The Biggest Disappointment

I think the biggest disappointment comes to those who expect too much or simply expect. Expecting things to be in a certain way is judging things before they happen and we, as humans seem to naturally have this ability built into us like a dog tracking scents. We survive from judging, so anyone who is adamant they don’t judge people are lying to themselves.

But, I think there’s a difference in letting things be and expecting things to go your way or run on one track.

The only way out of disappointment is to stop expecting and just do/live.

via Daily Prompt: Expect

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Release

Have you ever sat there and just released yourself from the world? That feeling of connection you feel, like buzzing bees circulating the hive. Have you? Have you ever sat back, plugged into the world of music or silenced your surroundings and just let the waves take you?

I have. I used to be stuck in situations that bred anger, and a tormented response.

One day, I came across a level of understanding about meditation that stuck with me and pushed me to find a quiet place to disappear. So I did just that; I disappeared.

Not in body, but in mind, and went to places I could only imagine. I read about a buddhist idealism which is that you can’t leave your body without sorting out your own demons first, so that’s what I did, and I dug, and dug through my mind cleaning up the place to commit myself to a release that I so badly searched for.

It was tedious and exhausting, at times, but then I found it.

The anger dissipated and the storm calmed.

via Daily Prompt: Release

The most important Lesson…

This section of the video really got to me in the sense that it is important to think about you and I’ve seen it in every single aspect of my own life and so many other peoples lives. So much so, that it’s almost sad to see the idea that so many people are scared of rejection, of the word no.

It’s true what the video says, it’s your friends, your family, husbands or wives who doubt new ideas because they are comfortable with the version of you that they see now. The problem is that they don’t often see the version of you is current but one of the memories they’ve already created.

The solution starts with you, so like the video says, don’t get offended when your friends or family doubt your path, if you believe it enough to think about it, speak about it, and share it, then you believe in it enough to do it.

 

Sometimes, the problem is you

When sitting here I often think about the boatload of things that float around me, passing over the waves of resonating memories, and ideas. What I think is that we are our own problem-creators, fear-producers, atmosphere destroyers, and simply, we are our own enemy. Every minute of the day we plan ideas and many of us think big, but when you look in the mirror you see yourself and you take one step forward and two steps back, and that’s the issue.

You can sit in your room, alone, staring into your mirror like it’s some kind of truth but our brains run in interesting ways. Our brains are either planning ahead or thinking we are the person our memories have made us out to be. But, that’s where the fun part comes in. Stay with me. When you’re looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself that you can’t do it because your brain triggers an emotional response due to you not being happy with how you acted, with how you stressed, or with how you’ve barely managed, be it one day or years, it doesn’t have to be that way.

You can look in the mirror and smash the bloody thing, imagine it, breaking that mirror down into tiny pieces and looking past the mirror, seeing how everyone around you, everyone who exists all look in the mirror and see the same monster staring at them, the same things that push them down, and some people do beat them, and some people don’t. Remember, that it’s not what happens that makes your future it’s what you do with what happens that makes your future.

So, be it your body, your mind, a lack of skills, a lack of technique, a lack of …. something, if you’re not happy with yourself, and can’t change your life, you have to change your blueprint because if you get beaten down feel like you can’t get back up, and can’t enjoy life, then it’s not your life, it’s the way you’re thinking. So, if you feel like your life doesn’t match the way you are, or it doesn’t match the way you want to be, then change. Change it, change your life, and change you.

Don’t hold onto to the things that form chains to you, only to pull you to the ground. Change how you see things until those things grow wings on your back, and helps you to soar.

Cloaked

via Daily Prompt: Cloaked

We are hidden in a blanket that may be hidden by the naked eye but it stops us from getting too close to one another. It may cloak us but it also isolates us from one another like a parasite bent on absorbing connection. It takes us away, and separates us with each move. it envelopes us, suffocates us, and slowly eats away at us. I don’t think we can be happy when we’re cloaked, like a poison that slowly takes us; it consumes us inch by inch. We need to learn how to take off the cloak.

What is Family?

I find myself questioning the importance of family from time to time, because of some reason or other, the type of reasons that bring you back to zero. Nada. Nothing. They make you feel like you don’t belong, and maybe they’re actually a reality check sending you the certainty of the actual god damn situation that you usually just hide with the semantics of family ‘communication’ that usually involves niceties and friendly hellos.

Although I say that I am unsure of where I stand with the term family, I’m aware of where I stand with my parents. My brother, less so, and the rest of my family are in a perpetual state of talking through my parents, so I don’t really have much time with them. I just get relayed messages, or told that messages aren’t even being relayed. I don’t exactly have ‘time’ to myself anyway. Even now, where my parents have my daughter this weekend and I’m stuck in the library doing this library exercise instead of my lesson plan because I’m overtired and in need of sleep but also have more work to do than I can think about at the moment.

I’m not even sure any of this matters you see, and although my brother seems to have disowned me as a brother at the moment, I’m not sure I’m even bothered, and I think that fact bothers me more. I mean, finding out that through the majority of your teenage-adult life you’ve been bitched about by your older brother is just really shitty. Furthermore, or adding to that fact is the irritating edifice of being the villain of the story because I don’t trust him to babysit the kids on his own, or his girlfriend, who I’ve met a total of three times, barely having a conversation both times. I mean, what’s a man gotta do to be understood around here?

So, I’ve come to the realisation that “Ego is the anesthesia is that deadens the pain of stupidity.” (Frank Leahy) and I’ve hit the point in my life where I’ll just close the door, instead of trying to contain whatever ‘friendship’ or ‘brotherhood’ if it can be called that, for my benefit when all my brother has ever really tried to do is hurt me, unless he can get something out of it, like babysitting, so I will babysit the next time he needs me.

I’m not the only one whose thought about family over the last couple of weeks, and it shows in the discord of communication in my family where everyone seems to forget to inform us, or even invite us to family ‘events’ but on the bright side, I don’t have to get checked for cancer since the gene avoided my father, so I suppose that’s one bright side in the whole thing.

Other than the idea of family, I’ve definitely decided that I’m going to move away, and not just further, but abroad. The plan is to find somewhere hot for a few years, settle, and give the house I get to my parents for when they retire, and after that… go wherever the fuck I want to go because I want to fucking go. I can’t fucking wait.

I thought long and hard about the type of person I want to be, and I won’t put the people I love down, I want to raise them, not bury them, so I don’t say any of this in a negative way, or with contempt, but I also want to be the best version of myself that I can be, and that will only happen through trial, error, and trial again.

 

In other news, I’ve got a girlfriend now, whose family seems to like me. (At the moment, ha-ha) and the closer I get to her the more I see how connected her and her family are, and in a way I look back at my family and feel how distant we’ve always been. Barriers broke nthrough having children but barriers that never should have been there in the first place. It’s quite an experience.

Also, I think I’ve finally met someone who isn’t secretly trying to kill me *winky face*

I’m chatting shit now to avoid my work, so I’ll leave you with a couple of quotes to think about for the remainder of your evening, or the five or so minutes it’s taken you to read this.

Ciao.

 

“You are what you are repeated to do.” – Aristotle. Therefore, excellence ought to be a habit, not an act.

“Pride is the burden of a foolish person.”

“Son, if you’re going to do a job, do it right.”

“Wisdom will come to you from the unlikeliest of sources; a lot of the time from failure. When you hit rock bottom, remember this: When you’re struggling, rockbottom can also be a great foundation on which to build, and on which to grow.”