I’ve always been on an uphill battle with myself, and whether I am open-minded or closed off. I always try my best to understand multiple points of view. I’ve always tried my best to remain true to myself. The problem with this is the fact that I am like a double edged sword. I don’t contradict myself, but because I don’t just live on two sides of the fence, I balance with one foot hanging over and one arm on the other, as well as staring up in the sky and watching the way the birds fly, and leaves fall.
I have a unique understanding of how things work, and sometimes, people come into my life which manage to persuade me to forget my morals, and forget my truths, my honesty, my loyalty and promise. Some people, push me, and pull me, tug me, and throw me until I stand with my back against one side of the wall, ready to open the gate standing between one side and the other.
It’s why I have never understood the 4 personality idealism, and with the melancholic, sanguine, phlegmatic, and choleric personalities, I know they’ve been disproved, but I see myself in them, and see myself outside them. It’s just as an example, each one carrying a part of ourselves in them, good and bad.
More confused? Excellent.
So, being honest in this world doesn’t seem to be enough. Being brave doesn’t seem to stand you up, being strong doesn’t seem to help you win, and being aware doesn’t seem to help you live.
It’s difficult when doing the right things cast you out. It’s difficult when you can’t speak your mind without upsetting someone, stepping on toes, and it makes you feel like you gotta walk on eggshells. Well… what I say to that?
What do I say to that?
I’m going to stick my middle finger high up in the air and scream, “Fuck you!” because I’m done pretending, hiding my personality, dumbing myself down, feeling anxiety crawl up my spine because of people can’t stop themselves from trying to push me down so they can stand up. I’m fucking done with it!
Being open-minded is looking at more than one angle, being open to everything out there, so when you tell me you’re right, and I’m wrong, over a view, an opinion, a reason, an emotion, then fuck you, too! I’m not saying I’m right, but I’m saying it’s all a matter of where you stand on the fence, and I can see so much from where I stand, I’m just stepping on the triangular edges of picket fences. It may be painted white, but the ones I’m standing on have little trickles of blood dripping down it.
I’m still standing here, and even with a few splinters in my feet, I’m finally pushing my feet down hard, and I’m sure as hell not afraid of jumping to either side, but I want to fly high, and not crawl along the side. No one will ever put me to my knees, but you sure as hell can try; good luck.
See you around cowboys/girls