Discover Challenge: Open-Minded

via Discover Challenge: Open-Minded

I’ve always been on an uphill battle with myself, and whether I am open-minded or closed off. I always try my best to understand multiple points of view. I’ve always tried my best to remain true to myself. The problem with this is the fact that I am like a double edged sword. I don’t contradict myself, but because I don’t just live on two sides of the fence, I balance with one foot hanging over and one arm on the other, as well as staring up in the sky and watching the way the birds fly, and leaves fall.

I have a unique understanding of how things work, and sometimes, people come into my life which manage to persuade me to forget my morals, and forget my truths, my honesty, my loyalty and promise. Some people, push me, and pull me, tug me, and throw me until I stand with my back against one side of the wall, ready to open the gate standing between one side and the other.

Confused? Good.

It’s why I have never understood the 4 personality idealism, and with the melancholic, sanguine, phlegmatic, and choleric personalities, I know they’ve been disproved, but I see myself in them, and see myself outside them. It’s just as an example, each one carrying a part of ourselves in them, good and bad.

More confused? Excellent.

So, being honest in this world doesn’t seem to be enough. Being brave doesn’t seem to stand you up, being strong doesn’t seem to help you win, and being aware doesn’t seem to help you live.

It’s difficult.

It’s difficult when doing the right things cast you out. It’s difficult when you can’t speak your mind without upsetting someone, stepping on toes, and it makes you feel like you gotta walk on eggshells. Well… what I say to that?

What do I say to that?

I’m going to stick my middle finger high up in the air and scream, “Fuck you!” because I’m done pretending, hiding my personality, dumbing myself down, feeling anxiety crawl up my spine because of people can’t stop themselves from trying to push me down so they can stand up. I’m fucking done with it!

Being open-minded is looking at more than one angle, being open to everything out there, so when you tell me you’re right, and I’m wrong, over a view, an opinion,  a reason, an emotion, then fuck you, too! I’m not saying I’m right, but I’m saying it’s all a matter of where you stand on the fence, and I can see so much from where I stand, I’m just stepping on the triangular edges of picket fences. It may be painted white, but the ones I’m standing on have little trickles of blood dripping down it.

I’m still standing here, and even with a few splinters in my feet, I’m finally pushing my feet down hard, and I’m sure as hell not afraid of jumping to either side, but I want to fly high, and not crawl along the side. No one will ever put me to my knees, but you sure as hell can try; good luck.

See you around cowboys/girls

PQ3z81k

Daily Prompt: Vice

via Daily Prompt: Vice

Vice…

We all have that one thing that hinders us, pushes us, lunges for us like a caged animal. The thing about a vice is that it is the dark hand on your shoulder that has a hold on you, causes your addiction, that face you pull when you smile into darkness, and it holds you in such a prison the bars seem invisible, but they are everywhere, in everything.

It can be a pull on your mind, a pull on your body, or a pull on your soul… a craving, a desire, something that draws you, and takes you in it’s arms. Drugs? alcohol? desire?

So, when do you wake up from your melancholic rage? Your sanguine desire? When do you wake up, and remember that your vice doesn’t have control of you? Can you? Can you escape the darkness once you’ve tasted it? Or is it a matter of time, just a “how long can you hold your breath?” until the tides roll over you, suffocate you, and pull you under the depths of confrontation with your demons.

Vice…

We are a collection of memories; if you could look at all of yours in a single moment, would you smile? or would you cry?

See you around cowboy/girls

PQ3z81k

Balanced? I think not.

So, sometimes I feel as warm as the sun, and other times, I’m as cool as a cucumber (excuse the pun), as cold as ice… (We’re never going to get anywhere like this)… at sub-zero… I’ll show myself out… Here’s a door:

open-door-best-design-ideas-4.jpg

I mean, just look at today…

It’s warm outside, warm in my soul… I mean, steering back to reality: It’s been a fun day; I took my daughter out to Cardiff bay, along with my buddy Conor.

Hey, look it’s Conor!

FS2Eq_0X.jpg

Well, no it’s not Conor.

Maybe slightly less hair.

Anyway, moving on; see what I mean? I told you we’ll not get anywhere tonight.

So, I want to seriously start by stating that I lost a friend today. After arranging for her to visit in September, I realised that she was using me for a bit of a back-up plan with a few friends that she felt awkward around at the time, and I could see her changing her mind about a lot of things, and messing me around. The worst thing was that she pretended to like me more than a friend, so I’d say yes to her coming, which is ridiculous, I mean if she just said she wanted to be friends I would have been more than happy to let her stay. I’m just that type of person. Cool-beans, right? (tragic)

Anyway, with that out of the way, I burned that bridge real good, ended that friendship because that’s a big no-no to me, and if I didn’t end it there I would be goose-stepping into another despicably annoying situation (Heh, walking like a goose, can you imagine?)

6837534-goose.jpg

Here’s a picture of a goose, just in case you can’t. (Heh, this one looks like he’s having a giggle, or holding someone up for bread)

Anyway, with that out of the way, my stress was halved, and I had a brilliant day, filled with sunshines and rainbows… I mean look at this:

14079915_1081068465314203_410790522187564443_n.jpg

I told you, see the rainbow, taste the rainbow. (Okay, seriously now, I will stop)

Anyway, in conclusion to my day, it’s been a pretty interesting one, and Conor is visiting me for a while, and it’s been pretty nice having someone around to talk to in the evenings as I’ve been alone most of the summer… in the evening anyway. So… it’s still a little adjustment though, being around someone else in this house is strange. It’s alien, aside from having my daughter here of course, and we all have to get used to the way things work. That’s life though.

Anyway, aside from a moody hour or two this evening, today has been a great day and I’m looking forward to doing many more things over the next year which includes going canoeing again, stepping onto the clubbing scene (How you doin’?)

63156303.jpg

Okay, I lied about stopping the puns. That one was a classic though, can you blame me?

Anyway, I’ve had enough days where I can call different shades of shit and it is definitely time to change the way I see my days now, and move on.

I had a conversation with an ex of mine over trying again, and I couldn’t take a single step down that road; she messaged me, and all I could think about was how awkward it was reading the words she wrote. I knew she hadn’t ‘changed’ I mean, a leopard and it’s spots and all that jazz.

Here’s a leopard:

3b90e542518dc9091bd0dafec80f862d.jpg

Look! This one has a happy hat.

Anyway, back on point; it’s easy to say yes to something that won’t work, because you may miss someone, or even have some form of inclin of memory, but it takes a better person to say no to something that you do not feel 100% about, regardless of how it affects them, or yourself, knowing it will only make things worse. If you have to ruin yourself to help another, you’re doing it wrong, and I certainly do value my sanity recently.

Furthermore? Yes, there’s more, always is.

I want to work on myself, I know I’ve been belching the same theme for the last three months, but it’s imperative that we all work on ourselves, and after a decent chat with a friend through fb this evening, I understand that this is something I definitely want to do, seeking happiness for yourself, is a must. For, you do not want to enter a relationship, depending on the other person for happiness, it’s not what it is about. Even if it takes 20 years for me to find that place in my life, I don’t care. If someone comes along and adds to my life, not take away, I’ll be fine, but I won’t be compromising my own happiness, anymore. Fuck the ghosts of my past, they are ghosts for a reason, and now… on that note… they can perish like the mother fuckers they are.

Hasta la vista, mujeres.

Terminator-2-judgement-day.jpg

So, those of the people in my life who walk with me on this journey of mine for the better, are more than welcome. I will always be there for those who treat me with respect. I know a certain person will read this, and feel a bit worried, if she isn’t covering her face with a very hard slapping hand right now… but, here’s a message to the people in my life who really are trying to add to it, I don’t know where I’d be without you all:

fcdcc0bc2da70d16a36a4a7ff94dc52a.jpg

One day I will find the ying to my yang, but until then, I’ll stride on the waves of life.

yin_yang_city_2_by_dudemansam-d61twxg.jpg

 

I’ll see you around, cowboys/cowgirls.

PQ3z81k.jpg

Daily Prompt: Obvious

via Daily Prompt: Obvious

It was obvious it wasn’t going to go as well as he wanted. It was obvious it wouldn’t work; it was, wasn’t it? The answer stared at him, right in front of his face. It was obvious, wasn’t it? He sipped his whiskey, and skewed his face… it was obvious, wasn’t it?

In a room full of broken furniture, and puddles of booze, practically drowning the bodies of furniture. It was obvious, wasn’t it?

He had bruises on his face, and blood dribbling from one of his nostrils, the corner of his mouth, he even had a piece of glass lodged in his neck. It was only a piece; it was obvious, wasn’t it?

He had slicked back his hair for the one hundredth time, and sent a large hindered exhale out of his mouth for the thousandth. He was real to his character; he was calm, collected, but also had this wild side to him, like an animal who had learned how to behave. It was obvious, wasn’t it?

He had a million thoughts flowing through his brain like poison; it could’ve just been the blows to the head. He sipped his whiskey, and splashed the remnants over his head; he smiled at the pain. It was obvious, wasn’t it?

Not a single tear fell from his widened eyes. He had a tough soldier look about him, though he had never been to war… it was obvious, wasn’t it?

This started with love.

Wandering through the midnight fog

I’ve been up for about 36 hours now, and it’s given me some time to think, and after a call last night I realised that nothing is what it seems, and nothing is ever set in stone, either that, or everything is.

I’m not sure where to start on a night like this. The stars, and the moon which I value so much for reasons I can pretend I can’t explain, when in fact, it’s because they make me feel less alone, and I used to gaze at them in wonder, in a hope that one day they’d talk back, and maybe, just maybe they felt the same way I did.

For as long as I can possibly remember, for as long as I’ve been a lucid thinker, and a lucid dreamer, I’ve been looking for something, searching for someone; it was as if I had been pre-programmed to look for a specific person in this life, and I don’t know what that is supposed to mean.

Now, there are sometimes, during my day, or during my life where I feel weak, like my bones are breaking, my limbs are aching, and my mind is drifting away… Scary, right? I’m used to feeling this, now and then, as if a past version of me was so battered, so bruised he couldn’t let go, and keeps a firm grip on my shoulders.

I find it so difficult explaining it.

13606727_1332015086813195_2442881823266268624_n (1).jpg

In previous posts I’ve talked about things that have happened throughout my life that I couldn’t explain, and I’m not going to become spiritual guru V.1.0 on you all here, but sometimes, things like that make me feel disconnected, and especially so when someone you value the opinion of so much, looks at you stupid, tells you that you must be imagining things for that to happen.

As for friends, I have come to the conclusion that I have a huge difficulty trusting someone, or anyone for that matter, and those who want to be my friends, or who care closer than most to me, sometimes forget that. This summer, this year, the last few years, this whole damn life has been one long stretch of exhausting miscalculations because I am someone who is in the wrong era. My time was over a few hundred years ago, I am sure of it. I wish I could explain it properly, or better.

I realised, that I have trust issues. A deep, tangled, knotted knot of sticky, squashy rope, that you have no idea how to untangle, but when you try, your hands get stuck. My trust issues aren’t misguided, or because of something pretend.

I downplay every bad episode in my life. I pretend like nothing phases me; I pretend like nothing can hurt me. I walk around with a facade of relaxed shoulders, and a stern look that can stare into the soul of another. Whatever.

I’m in my twenties, and I’ve fallen in love twice. Twice. I don’t mean, the type of love where you feel a puppy dog feeling, or your first girlfriend; I mean, the type of love which you can look at someone and spend every waking moment with them; the type where you could spend your whole life around them, and never get bored.

I’ve been lucky in that sense, but also, very, very unlucky.

I’ve stared into someone’s eyes, and had them tell me they love me, and it sent shivers down my spine, and ignited a fire in my heart, causing it to race like crazy.

“Me?” I thought, exasperated, and on the verge of a panic attack “You love me?”

“Yes.” But it wasn’t a yes, it wasn’t even a maybe. In fact, i got strung along through five or six years of my life, because she was so far inside a level of trust where I put her on a pedestal and couldn’t believe she would ever lie to me, hide it from me. Even when she had a partner, she had a way of making me feel as if she loved me. It sucked, and through time, I found a voice, and was hurt many times, not just by her but by friends, and by people I cared for. I started to stop trusting people, and in doing so, I began trusting myself.

The more I trusted myself, and the more I got to know myself, the more I asked why I even needed other people; did I? I could never be sure. There were times, I thought I knew, but it slipped through my grasp like dissipating smoke.

I laughed at myself, to stop myself from crying. I used to say things like, “I’m just a fool, it’s fine. Hahaha, only I could make a mistake like this, because I’m a fool. I’m a fool. I’m a fool…” I laughed, and shrugged off the world’s biggest idiot. The one who forgives the people who were never looking to be forgiven.

You know something? I met the second person I fell in love with, this summer. I mean, damn, the last time I felt that for someone, was aback eight years ago. Can you believe it? I was told I was lucky to be able to feel such a feeling in as little as eight years. Fuck, I guess I am, and sometimes, I do think I am. But, those are the only ways I can look at it, without feeling like I want to cry.

I’ve argued with her a few times now, asking a dozen questions, trying to fix our friendship, because I tried walking away, because I was upset, and started to feel pushed into a corner I couldn’t get out of . I hadn’t felt like this, since I met the most supernatural lover I will probably ever meet (who, I mean, she was real, but she was the most ‘interesting’ character I’ll ever come across.) and I somehow couldn’t understand this, and it wasn’t that I couldn’t understand that someone could make me feel loved, or that she made me feel as if I wasn’t undeserving of such love, but, I fell in love with her as a friend first, and something came into fruition later, which proved to me, that I was a fool. I listened to her, stuck in a position where she has enough of the word “Love”.

Now, I feel like I ruined a friendship, because I asked too many questions, and got upset over not getting a ‘worthy’ answer, because one of the answers I was looking for, was how stupid could I possibly be, possibly ever fucking be to falling love with two women who didn’t reciprocate the same feeling for me, but still told me that they loved me? I mean, really, how dumb must I be to fall for the same thing twice?

Now, sure, they are both completely different people, but still very much individual.

The one thing I will never forget about the latest one, was the fact that she had an ability over me that we could look in each other’s eyes, and know what each other wanted. It was… it was…. it was weird. A connection that I’m very sure she has no idea what it means, but still, we will never get a chance to see how much of a connection we could have, because she has someone else in her life, whom she is in love with the way I was in love with, with her.

You know what? This post isn’t about love, or about me moaning about the boo-hoo feeling in my tired-self… it’s about the idea that I haven’t got a clue how to communicate with people. I haven’t got a clue how to really talk to someone. I haven’t got a clue how to let someone in. I handle myself, I’m a very strong, independent person, who is one of the very few men in this world to win full custody of his daughter and manage just fine.

But, I can’t help but thinking, in the back of my head sometime, whether is this all it’s going to be? Hindsight told me I’d meet more than one, more than two people who I fall for throughout my life, but I can’t help but wonder whether it will hurt like this every time, because if it does, I don’t want it. I just don’t want to search for something that makes me feel like I’m too broken to share something with.

Now, I admit, I’ve tried my best to remain friends with these people, because I value the connection we had, and value the fact that I could have such a connection with people, as it was something I had never felt before, on both occasions.

Other than love, I have never felt a more comfortable feeling with someone, and knowing that they can no longer put their faith in me, seriously, because I was ready to walk away, hurts. Because sometimes, it feels like they don’t see why I got to that point; it’s like, they wanted me to be someone else. I know they didn’t, but it’s a feeling I had.

I used to think I was strong, because even with tears rolling down my face, I smiled, and still thought of the other person. I’m pretty sure I’ll always be a fool, but I also think the fool in my is going to go away for a while… I don’t think I can let anyone in anymore. I wish someone could show me how, and show me what it’s supposed to feel like without raising me higher than ever before, and watching me  fall.

I don’t blame anyone, but myself. It’s my fault I feel these feelings, and it’s my fault I end up the way I am, and worry, and think, and bother over everyone around me, even the people who don’t deserve it.

But, what are you supposed to believe in, what are you supposed to do, when someone you want to trust, and want to be with, with all your heart, will forever be on the other side of an unbreakable glass wall.

So, I’ll keep on smiling, and keep on dancing this dance, but if you see past my smile when you see me, and you see the cracks on my face, please don’t come too close, because I sometimes, just sometimes, everything around me breaks, and one, I wouldn’t want to be the one to break you, and two, you wouldn’t want to break me.

Though I’ve fallen down a hundred times, and hit stumbles in my road, I’ve always gotten up, but that feeling, of my body aching, my mind feeling numb, and my soul feeling broken, is the long-winded process, of however many lives I’ve lived, shoved into one, and when I sit here, with my armour on, hiding behind a screen, and a series of paragraphs… I still don’t feel safe, so if you know how to change that, then let me know how, but eventually, I’ll just stop smiling, and tell you I’m fine.

And if this has hit you, and you know me, ask yourself one important question, one really important question… would you notice the difference?

It’s just a drop in the seas.

What comes from dust, returns to dust.

I’m so tired…

How many times do I have to pretend I’m like this

341784-berserker.jpg

Before anyone realises, I’ll become this:

images (2).jpg

And when you hear words like this in a song, you gotta wonder what the hell is going on:

“And I am a wounded warrior
And now that the enemy is closing in
I am a wounded warrior
Looking for someone to let me in”

Tomorrow, I’ll get up, and forget about this post, close my eyes, and carry on walking, but tonight, I’m sat here, wondering how long I’ll be a fool for.

Daily Prompt: Fifty

via Daily Prompt: Fifty

Fifty… though I don’t particularly like ’50 shades of grey’ it gives a good example of how many different shades there are to us, to our minds. We would all like to assume we know how, and why we act the way we do, but when we get put into a position, a true, life-changing position, none of us really know until we get there.

Some would call it a crucible, but no one really knows whether, when danger approaches them, that they would hit it head on, or run away. There aren’t just one option or the other, there are fifty shades, or more of what is between that. There is not just the right way to fix a problem, and a wrong way, but there are fifty ways, and you choose one, and hold onto it.

It might seem strange, senseless or outright crazy, but from what I can say, no one knows what they would do in your position, until they are in your position.

Over the summer I got mad with someone for messing me around, but I think I can see now what went on, that she was just as confused as I was, but she acted; she couldn’t just sit in a place of liminal delusion. She had a choice to make, and she made it.

So, I do understand now.

Whether fifty choices, or five hundred choices, none of us know the right answer, and it’s about time we stop pretending we do.

So, next time you doubt yourself, or worry about choosing the wrong way, as opposed to the right, take a step back, and look. There are many choices before you, in your day, in your week, in your life, not just one or two, but countless; it’s up to you to make that decision, no one can tell you that you’re wrong. They are just choices, without an alignment attached.

Quite often, ‘the wrong choice’ can lead to the right one.

Nothing will stop me now

Let me start by saying that nothing is impossible; it is imperative that you learn about what you want to do, and when you do learn what you want to do, you do it.

I’ve had one hell of an interesting summer. At some points during it, I have felt at a low point, and felt as if I was doing everything for nought, as if everything I was doing was pointless, because I couldn’t get the little things right. Anyway, I’ve turned it around, and though I haven’t read all the books on my desk, or written a 101 million stories, or planned my entire book, I’ve started a few.

I hit a few snags on my summer journey, money worries, the ghosts of my past, a rocky road with someone who I have no idea what our connection is, it’s just weird. Anyway, seeing as we passed a very rocky journey together, we seem to be sailing on smooth seas, as good friends.

Though, I’m sure I talk way too much; that is just because I like talking to her though.

Anyway, so, I’ve had an interesting time. I haven’t lost the weight I planned to lose, whether that is from distractions, illnesses, or just being a lazy bastard with a bad attitude at life. The love-life taking a dive may have had a minor influence in my motivation, but it hasn’t diminished this flame.

So, I’m now 13% fluent in Spanish, whatever that means. I’ve had 365 lessons, and am more than half-way through the app. Once I’ve finished my lessons, I’ll be putting them to the test and strength-training. My next audiobook will be learning Spanish I think. It’s been so nice to learn, and I just love giving a few of my friends a huge smile on my face when I attempt a conversation in Spanish. Ha-ha.

Anyway, just because I didn’t reach the goals I wanted to achieve, I’ve learned much about the way I want to train my body, and what is needed to achieve that goal. I’ll quite possibly give up games when September comes around, and focus on my life. I’m not giving up, and I will find time to get over the obstacles that have been set in my path.

I realised that working out, and exercising increases my mood so much that it is a must in my life. So, I will be going to the gym alongside my university year. I also think it will help me focus on my studies; you know, strengthen your body,  your mind, and your soul, and all that.

Anyway, on top of the idea I have of always trying to improve, I’m just trying to sail through life without the drama-infused branch of the day-to-day. So, here I am, almost at the end of my summer, and still standing after so many different things bubbling out of control, fixing themselves to me, like leeches, and now that I’ve wiped them all away, and had a good cry, bitch, and moan, I’m back on my feet again, and ready to look towards the future.

I’m having two friends visit soon, for couple weeks, which will be amazing to spend some time with them, and then after they’re going, I’ll be cracking on with university, and hopefully starting with a refreshed mind, and my concentration hat on.

So, all in all, I’m really enjoying connecting with a friend again, and being able to talk over skype and such, getting to know a new person, or two, and things seem to be looking up; I’ll continue to work on my goals, and try and reach them, and though I’ve hit a few rocks, my ship won’t be sinking any time soon.

As for the people who try and tell me they want to be in my life, but don’t give me the time of day whenever I try, you’ll find yourself standing on a bridge, which is being set on fire the next time you make me feel like we’re on separate islands. I’m not afraid to play with fire, and trust me, I will never get burned by the flames.

So sometimes, I feel like it has been a million nights I’ve spent alone, especially over the summer, but I’m fine, knowing that I can reach out to a few people around me, and that I’m not alone, but more than that, it’s knowing that I’m becoming that little more comfortable with myself as a person, so when I do fall, I know how to get back up again, and stand with a stronger stance.

When I stop to think

So, it has almost been a year since I started this blog, and I’ll be closing this blog in September 2016. I will be moving on to a creative blog that I’ll start at the end, where I’ll no longer be discussing my life, as it’s time I stop trying to publicise the things I’m doing with my life so much.

I’ve had a hilarious run over the last year, met my fair share of stalkers, bunny boilers, moody moaners, and sensitive Sallys; I’ve made some amazing friends, and lost some amazing friends, all in the same year. I’ve done a complete circle in my music tastes, going from rap, to rock, to hip-hop, classical, folk-music, medieval, back to classical, and now I’m stuck in this weird mix of the lot. Hey, all good fun right?

So, all in all, I’ve figured a lot about myself, and that I’m really, practically entirely done with listening to other people in my life. I’ve got a plan for how next year is going to go, and I’ll swear by my very being, that I will smash it. I’m not going to let a few fussy Fiona’s distract me, or going to get caught up in focusing on anyone who won’t reciprocate the amount of focus, or people who take, take, and take, without giving back.

So, from this blog, my experience bar has gone from 0% to 99%, and I’ve almost had a level up. But hey, all has not been lost, and though I ended up falling for someone this summer, it was a good reminder of how human I am, and it doesn’t matter how disconnected I feel, love is something I will always feel, and it had been about 8 years since I had butterflies in my stomach when talking to someone, and if it takes another eight years, so be it… it was worth it.

So, I’m going to end this summer, knowing that I’ve tried my best to be active, and stay to at least some of my commitments, (What, you think I stayed to all of them, knowing it was summer? come on?), and tried my best to study, read a few books, audiobooks, have creative days, grammar days, and when I start, I’ll be focusing heavily on my work, and my studies. So if I turn into a shadow, or someone you don’t hear from, remember I’m still here, and would always appreciate the company, or the conversation, but I’m trying to work on me, and focus on myself.

Looking back at some of the posts I have written over the last year, I come to the conclusion that I am one of the most manic people I know, and my mood often escalates into “Gods cannot upset me today” and drops to, “I don’t want to get out of bed”, but though that may be true, I won’t give up, working on myself. I will keep pushing through my obstacles, and there is one thing I learned from meeting my problems head on. Sometimes you meet people who act like your friend, but they couldn’t care less about you, sometimes, even the advice they give is to hinder you, not to help. So, bearing that in mind, I’ll stop reaching out, and asking people to help me, apart from one or two people who have proven themselves to me this year, so much so that I know they will be a part of my life for a long time to come.

So, my next summer will prove to be more interesting, with a trip to Sweden, and a trip to Spain, but none of that will happen without me stepping up my game. I’d like to come to the end of my year, and realise I am capable of doing these things I’m aspiring to do, and I will get them done. I realise that our brains, my brain is a programmable machine that I can change the way I learn, and process information if I try hard enough… so what’s the point in letting myself sink into the negativity of feeling like I’m not going to succeed? I may as well put all of my effort into my work, because I may think that some friends will be there forever, but you can either rise with them, or fall behind… besides… I don’t want to stay in Wales forever, after my degree, if I can get this right… I’m outta here!

Anyway, I’ll be posting up until I begin my first day of University, I thank everyone for reading up to this point, and I hope you have enjoyed coming on this rollercoaster of a year with me. It won’t be long til I gotta finally take that mask off for good, and show the people I love, that I am here.

Daily Prompt: Ghost

via Daily Prompt: Ghost

The word ghost has become a word with much meaning to me; more so, nowadays, where I’m old enough to look back and see the memories of people I had once loved, or once cared for, and when I think about the words, I think less about the supposed paranormal phenomenon, and more about how I view the memories of my past.

I mean, it has actually allowed me to understand the word Ghost as a paranormal entity also.

I mean, seeing as the term ghost and spirit is often confused with one another, but the term ghost would be a trapped piece of someone’s soul. They aren’t all there, it’s not the actual person, but a trapped memory, caught in the spectrum of infra-sound, and the place that you’re entering has a unique, or repeating flow of infra-sound that repeats that memory, as if it’s been caught in time. The reason why castles are always ‘Haunted’ are because large stone buildings have a flow of wind that moves through the building, and depending on the architecture of the building can generate a low frequency of sound, which is called infra-sound, something we do not hear, yet it moves through us.

Anyway, that being said, what if we leave memories in the places we are in, and the powerful emotions are the only ones we sometimes catch a glimpse of?

Since I’ve spent so much time meditating, and keep an eye out for this, combine that with the fact that I have almost a photographic memory for people/places (I wish I had it for text, but nevermind) when I enter a room I’ve had a fight in, or argued with a partner 101 times I feel those memories, and sometimes watch them repeat like the ghosts are real. It’s not something I see as being real, or unreal for that matter, it’s just how it works when your brain acts like a movie recorder.

The reason why I don’t want to move from the house i live in now is because I see memories of the events that have happened this year, and ghosts that walk around my house, and for the first time, I can’t help but smile at them, I sort-of understand why old people want to stay in their home, for it doesn’t matter how much you paint a hallway, a door, or a room, the memories are always there.

And I haven’t had arguments in this house, not have I had to run anyone out of it. In fact, I’ve had nothing but great memories in this house, and though this house has collected some of my rather saddest moments already, be it holding someone in my arms as we said our farewells, or whether it be walking away from people from my past… I can’t say at all that this house has a negative feeling.

So, ghosts to me are memories that we hold onto, so we associate them with the building, or place we are in… but remember to let go of them once in a while, because sometimes, you might find yourself holding onto something you should have let go of.

Daily Prompt: Carry

via Daily Prompt: Carry

 

Carrying something can be taken in many different ways. Now, we look at the word carry, and we think of endurance. The ability to carry your weight, your problems, your qualities, and your problems is not to be underrated; it is not to be ruined, or destroyed.

You carry things every day, physically, but more so, you carry things mentally, and spiritually as well. When you listen to the words of others, and understand them, you take on their words, and their guidance, or even, you take on the role of being their emotional keeper.

When you next think of the word carry, think of the way you carry the things around you, the people around you, and remember, if you stand up, with the weight of those around you on your shoulders, remember you are the symbol of strength. You never have to, you didn’t have to be, you chose to be, and you’re doing this, for you. This is who you are, so smile, and know that you are the person you chose to be.