I often wonder whether people get ratty with me because of how I am, or how blunt/honest I can be to everyone; I often thought it was because I was too nice, and though I’m not the best listener, which is something I’m working on, I try too hard with people. That is something that rings true for me, but not the reason. I have felt an apathetic look towards some people as of late, some people who have stopped speaking to me because of the smallest thing. Maybe I say the wrong things sometimes, or I do something silly, and I mean silly, not horrible, or ridiculous.
Now, I used to hate myself for it. I used to blame me “Oh no, I fucked up, again! Boo-hoo.” Well, that stops. I don’t have time for self-pity, and I certainly don’t have time for people who are so off-the-edge sensitive or otherwise moody, that they can pick on the people who will take it. So, if you read this, and assume this is about you, I think it’s time for you to delete me as a friend, and walk away. I mean, I’ve already been told I’m the reason for someone’s depression this year, after only talking to them for three months. That in itself is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.
Now, the truth of the matter is that I may listen to you, or talk about your problems, but if you’re going to stand in the way of my goals, and my dreams, then you’re not worth the time of day, and I will drop you like the sack of weight that you are. Frankly, I cringe at the idea of giving this post enough thought to coherently tell everyone that I’ve had enough.
I’ve taken a few weeks away from society, and just been on my course. I’ve had an amazing time, and coming back to reality helps me realise that this is the way it is supposed to be. And if anyone, anyone has a problem with the way that I am, then please exit my life at the nearest door. Thank you!
Between having a child, a house to keep, bills to pay, a course to study, trips to plan, books to read, books to write, I have no time for people who want to kick up a fuss over the tiniest little thing. So, if you act like a poke in the arm is a dagger in the heart, then remove yourself from my presence. I’ve got more important people to talk to.
I’d like to use the quote that I have been using over the past month or so, which is:
“Believe in yourself, for when you don’t, I will.” – Now, I love this quote. It helps me understand the importance of being there for people who can no longer stand for themselves, for we all reach the point of falling, and finding it difficult to get back up again.
Though that is the case, I find myself distant from most of the people I considered my friends, even a month or two ago. The worst thing is that I prefer it this way. I don’t want to feel like I’m stepping on eggshells all the time, or I have to select my words in case I say something that gets interpreted as something bad for them.
So, speaking from the soul… I’m done with people like this. If you want to be my friend, you understand that I am not here to baby you, and I am not your parent, I am not your keeper, and I am not your comforter, I am a person, with as many faces as you, and though I am someone who is also very sensitive, I try my best not to let people get to me, and though sometimes those same people have wronged me, I have forgiven them as soon as they apologised for I have no room for the madness that is hate. Sadly, I do not receive such a luxury.
Whatever this is going to be, and whether I lose many friends from this post is another question. But, I’m going to start living my life for me, and my daughter now. Anyone who tries to affect that, is out. Simple.
Have a nice day everyone, and I’m sure, most people reading this, will understand that it isn’t them I speak of. The people who read it and feel a sense of embarrassment, and shame, will be the ones who should click the unfriend button.
‘I will never give a man a fish, but I will always offer to teach him how to.’