You know, there are some things that I never talk about. My parents are one. My parents are people who I’ve not written much about, and I’d like to write about them now. I thought about them today, and surely came to the chilling realization of how much they matter to me. And sure, everyone’s parents matter to them, but let me explain.
Since I was young, all I remember is the notion of pushing people away, and creating a barrier around me, so I never got so attached to someone, anyone, be it family, friends, partners, or whatever. I know it sounds sad, but don’t ever feel sorry for me. There are two people in my life that I will never be able to replace, and it’s about time I let them know.
The one thing I’m grateful for, is the fact that my parents have remained strong, in their marriage, and sure, they may have had a weak moment, but they have never broke. That is one of the most important life lessons that will ever stay with me. It may cause me some trouble, but over all, it is one of the most important things anyone could have ever taught me. The fact that no matter how weak a link in their chain gets, it holds on, no matter what, and doesn’t allow the chains to break. In fact, they end up stronger, or get repaired.
That valuable lesson, of not giving up, has been one of my parents’ gifts to me, and it doesn’t end there. Sure, I held onto the longest relationship I’ve ever had, because I had this idealism that I had to live up to their expectations. Thanks to them, I’ve always wanted to have a family of my own, because though they were distant from their family, be it parents, or siblings, they always had their children with them, and were always strong, without anyone else around. In fact, if I could attribute anything, it would be to see them as people standing in the dark, lighting it up with a beaming light.
Furthering on this point, they taught me to never give up, like I said above. This added to the suffering I went through with the mother, as I wasn’t able to give up so easily; no matter how bad she was. That being said though, I hope they don’t ever feel that they are the cause of my pain, because that is by no means their responsibility. I would in turn, say that it doesn’t matter how bad things get, or how many people I come across, or fall for, or get hurt by, but I inherited the ability to overcome my obstacles, and to not give up, and I have them to thank for that.
As for always being there for me, they are always around to offer emotional support, and though my father isn’t an emotional man verbally, he always knows when we need him, and is always there. The same goes for my mother, though slightly more like me, in the fact that she is sensitive, and tries to put everyone before herself. I remember I had conversations with my mother a while back, when I was in a much darker place… and she told me she wondered whether she brought me up in the wrong way, because I put other people before myself, and always get hurt. But, no, you didn’t bring me, us up in the wrong way. You taught us that we should always open our hearts to people. Eventually, we will find someone worth our heart, and that will be because you showed us to keep it open, and be as honest as we can with ourselves.
Honesty, is something I gained from my parents as well, the right from wrong, but also, that the truth will always hurt less than a lie. In fact, my parents may not have taught us the most academic subjects, but they gave us a headstart in many ways, and many people, of my age, or older are so much younger than us because of that. The fact that we have an understanding when it comes to people, and sure, we make mistakes, because we are human, but its accepting those mistakes, and changing what you can change, rather than focusing on the things we can’t change.
That, and plainly, my parents help me out so much by having my daughter every other weekend for me, and they have been doing this for a year or two now and they may not get appreciation as such by me every time but I am always grateful. In fact, they have been there so much for me in every way lately. They have offered to help me financially, they have offered to help me clean up, and they have offered to help me by having my daughter for me when I need a break. I don’t like to accept help, or ever say I need help, but what I will say, is that I am always grateful that they have such a strong footstep in my life, and they will always be the two people that help me feel less alone when I am on my own.
And when I feel like everything gets to me, it is my own teachings that help me, but my own teachings that came from my parents, that help me see through my day, and always return to the way I should be.
In all honestly, I don’t think I would have got this far without them, so honestly, you guys are awesome, and I wanted you to know it.