Lately, a smile has been attached to my face like a mustache has to those old man Jack Russel dogs, you know the ones. This has been for many reasons, but the biggest one, has been myself. I haven’t lost much weight over the last four weeks, but I have been gaining a lot of muscle. I am feeling less unhappy with my weight, and feel better with the idea of accepting myself.
Yesterday, I wrote about how I want to become more like a mountain, rather than a river and that is what my end goal is. I want to be able to withstand as much as possible, whether it be mental, or physical affliction. I’ll be changing from three days a week workouts to five days a week. It seems challenging, but I’m no longer feeling exhausted after a three day regime, and I want to continually push myself. I will reach my goal this summer.
I have finally made a decision about games, of which I will be playing perhaps once, or twice a week, rather than every other night, or every other day, as it gives me too much of a distraction. I want to be focused on my well-being, and I want to learn skills that will help me with my future. I’ve been enjoying learning Spanish, and I think it’s because I want to, rather than that I had to, like I did back in school.
Ultimately, I have found some answers for some people from my past, and something that had came into my mind back in January-Feb, and I can let go of those feelings. On top of that, I have finally accepted the idea of not looking for another person. I have no reason to look for a connection, for love.
I have found enough of it, and I am going to give myself some time off, away from those sort of feelings. I think it’s time to love myself, rather than someone else. I am so glad I’ve answered the questions plaguing my mind over everyone close to me, and I’ve come to the conclusion that though I seemed to be looking for someone, I don’t think I was ever ready to meet someone. But, I’m sorting myself out, and remembering that the only person who can pick me up is me. Perhaps I’ll let someone else be that person one day, but until that day comes, I’ll remind myself that it is only me who I can rely on with my whole heart.
I’ve also got to write another blog post soon as I’ve been nominated to answer three questions by Megan. This will be fun.
So, all in all, I’m glad I got some of the confusion out of my mind.
There will only be one puzzle I will hold in my head, and that is the only person I’m thinking of, other than myself and my daughter, and as much as the feelings are out of my head, and onto paper… I don’t think I can simply forget. Besides, being reminded of love, and what love is, is worth remembering, and I’ll never shake that belief.
I’ll answer the questions later, and share it with you all, I’m not yet sure of whether I will nominate anyone though.
Believe in yourself, for when you don’t, I will. This is but a brick in a very long wall… and we have so much yet to build.
Have a lovely day everyone, and remember, that you are important to those around you, but more so, you’re important to yourself.
Tonight is going to be a lovely night, and a full moon.