The more you know

Recently, I had came across a conundrum of someone writing about me on their blog, and actually it was really sweet, and they were saying some lovely things. I got the chance to meet them at the beginning of this weekend, and was hoping to have a proper conversation about some of the things that were written, and discussed. Instead, we went out with a two of her friends.

I had a pretty awesome time with them and it was a pleasure to get to know them. We went to laser tag, and even though I sucked, which I was happy with, I had a couple of drinks and we enjoyed ourselves. We went for Kaspers’ for the first time, and I tried the peanut butter chocolate waffle with vanilla ice cream on top. It was delicious. Everything was fine and the evening would have ended very well, if it wasn’t for the same friend, who told her friend to put his hands in my food and give it to her. Now, it normally wouldn’t bother me so much, or I’d like to say that, but no one has ever taken my food before. More than that, we all had spoons/forks and further than that, we had just been playing laser tag touching suits that a few other hundred people would have had their hands all over…

I never thought I would ever get so annoyed at someone for touching my food though I must say I’ve never been in a position where someone has actually taken from my plate without my permission. Even my daughter doesn’t do that. I think one of the worst things was that the person who wanted to do it, wouldn’t dare to it herself, and told someone I barely knew to do it for her. That, I don’t like, and it’s funny because I have been getting closer to her, and started getting along with her friends, too. Now, I don’t know whether I seemed like an asshole for getting upset with the idea of someone touching my food, but the only way I can explain it is, “Imagine someone coming up to you from another table, someone you do not know, or have seen a few times, but not talked all that much… and putting their hand into your ice cream, and then expecting you to eat it… Would you? or would you be angry?”

So, whether I was being childish about this, or whether I had every justification to act in that manner, though I did think I acted very… restrained. As what was on my mind at the time was not what I did. In fact, after telling them in a kind way, explaining how wrong it was, I thanked them for inviting me and walked off. I don’t even know why I got so angry, I haven’t been angry for ages, but something about it just ticked me off. Isn’t it strange how, no matter how higher we think ourselves from beasts, we can act primal over something so simple as food on a plate.

Though I’m writing about this, I do not hold a grudge, I’m more so trying to figure myself out. In fact, I have already forgiven the guy for touching my food, and had a chat with the girl about it. In fact, before, and after the event we had a lovely chat on the train both ways, where it felt like she was actually opening up to me. I think I may have really upset her with how I acted with the food thing… I think she felt really bad, because she’s a little more guarded with her messages to me now. I hope I didn’t ruin something before it even started. At the same time though, I believe that if something like this can push someone away, then it isn’t the path for you.

Well, after that train ride home, I did something that could go very right, or very wrong… but I’m so fed up of doing nothing. I’ve missed so many opportunities in my life because I’ve waited on people, waited for people, or waited for myself to grow a pair. (Excuse the expression). So, I’ve decided not to let moments slide through my fingers, and seeing as I have quite the interesting connection to this person, I had to find out an answer for myself. Though, I think the answer will be surprising once I process it, and she does too.

It’s funny though, now, and over the next week, the rest of the people left on campus will be leaving, and I will be alone for the majority of summer. I hope that by the time I finish the summer I will be in the right state of mind, and the physical condition to happily continue with my next year. It is nice to see some results from my training over the last month, and I’m sure I’ll see more.

Speaking about something other than Friday, I had an awesome day today, slept in for the first time in a very long time, and went to lunch with my friend. I then went for a stroll through my hometown Newport, and went to my parents. Where for the last two hours my niece and my daughter have been cuddled up watching a movie, and falling asleep. My family are out, and I’m alone with my thoughts. The only thing I’m missing is a cup of hot chocolate, or maybe a sip of brandy.

There have been quite a few things circulating my mind lately, but I’m learning to handle them much better than previously. Instead of being like a river, I think I’m aiming to be more like the mountain. Who knows, maybe I’ll make a strong enough core not to be shattered when something goes wrong.

So, all in all, I actually had a pretty good time this weekend, and I hope that the people I got to meet, and hang out with meet up more, and I can get to know them more. It’s been fun other than the little mishap. I am starting the gym 5 days a week starting Monday, so that will be a challenge! I’ve hit my 9th day in a row learning Spanish… and I’m going to start my reading again now. So much to do, and so little time in the day. Every time I open one door, I feel like I close another. I want to get to the point where every door is open, and everything I am is what you see.

Whatever happens, good, or bad; it is but a single brick in a very long wall.

So, believe in yourself, for when you don’t, I will.


One thought on “The more you know

  1. I don’t think she’s being more guarded because she didn’t like how you reacted. Personally, I think she’s probably feeling a little embarrassed and might feel awkward now. My advice? Carry on talking to her as if nothing happened and eventually it’ll get back to normal. That usually works with me haha

    Liked by 1 person

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