Today, I closed a door on something that could have made me happy. I couldn’t tell you whether it was something I wanted to do, but I do know it was something I had to do. I won’t go into details over it, but I will say that letting someone go who touched your heart is quite difficult, and something that you do not forget. For those of you who know what it feels like, you know what I mean when I say that you lose a piece of yourself whenever this happens.
Now, you know how the saying goes, ‘When you love someone, you have to let them go.” Well, this is me letting go. I could pretend, and tell you that I didn’t think about what could happen, or what would happen, but the problem with falling for your friends are the fact that sometimes, you need them more as a friend, than something more.
That’s just what I want, and what I need, at this present moment in time. I don’t particularly need a partner in my life, but I do need a friend. So all my quotes stay valid, and all my thoughts stay true. I stand by the words, “Believe in yourself, for when you don’t, I will.” and all the others.
The thing is, from writing my book, I’ve come to realise how important the connections I’ve been making with people actually are, and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose that to some stupid idea of love, or some far-stretched wish. Before all of this happened I told myself that I would be strong, by myself, and learn to be myself properly before anything else, and anyone else.
The reason why this stuff caught me so off-guard was because I had such high respect for the person who it involved, that I was so surprised by the things that happened between us. I’m not saying I no longer think highly of her, but I’m saying it was easy to fall in love with her. The problem is, that though we are similar in many ways, we are also very different. We are also, on two separate paths, and I’m ready to say I’ve accepted that.
I’ve got one thing to wrap up, and one mess to clean up. I’ll write a letter, and express all of my words, then put it away, without the intention of showing another. For once it’s written out for me, it’s gone. Think of it like a right of passage for me. I think it’s been a long time due that I needed to let go of anyone and think about myself, for I know that if someone truly does wish to spend their time with me, they will show me, not just tell me…
That is all I have to say today, I have much to think about, and much to do, much to learn, and much to earn.
Some doors are there to be opened, and others are there to be closed.
Sometimes though, just sometimes, I feel that I’ll never be able to truly take my ‘armour’ off in front of someone, because over the last few weeks I’ve never been so scared of being around someone in my life.
And then I remembered that I’m stronger than I thought, and stronger than I ever have been. I’ve done too much holding on to the things that may, or have hurt me. I think it’s time to let go of many things, and maybe I’ll finally lose weight, seeing as much of my extra weight is hiding in my shadow. Ha-ha.