You’re not going through it; it’s going through you. Now once it’s all gone, you’ll become the new you with a different perspective from the same point of view, fully unaffected by the old truth you once knew, connected to the roots, to the trunks, and the branches.
Over the last few years the thing I’ve spent most of my time on is getting to know my soul, and getting to know me. Before I started this journey, eight years ago, I felt so young. Now, I don’t have a thought about age, or time, or place, or space. I used to see the shadow of every tree, of every being, and I watched the darkness of every creature, as though they were lurking.
When I look around now, sure, I sometimes see hate, and despair, sometimes I see pain, and destruction… but the thing I see most of all is beauty.
When I see someone who pushes through their hardest moment with a smile on their face; when I see the homeless man with a smile on his face; when I see someone climb the mountain in their lives, whether it be a physical, or mental climb. That is beautiful to me.
When I see children smiling, and people laughing, that is beautiful to me.
The people that pull me the most their way are the ones with a darkness in their eyes. It may not be a shadow, like you’d think, but a sadness, a pain they’re holding onto. Sometimes I get drawn to people like this because I can help them, or sometimes I get drawn to them because I used to be like them, and sometimes, I get drawn to them because they can help me.
Regardless of which one it may be, it is beautiful to me.
I’ve been watching you for some time,
I can’t stop staring at those ocean eyes.
I can’t help but listen to songs like these and think of the people I have once been close to, and the people I am close to now. Sometimes, it is the beauty of a single person that can change your life around, and put a smile on your face. Sometimes it is an act of a single kindness, and sometimes it’s a surprise. Sometimes it’s a single look, an ire-less stare of the eyes.
The most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me has been:
I need you. You are so important to me. I’ve felt more at home with you than I have anywhere else. I’m not sure what to say, but I know that I need you.
I can’t stop thinking about the words this person gave me, as they will stay with me forever. In fact, the idea that someone felt safe enough around me to talk to me without their shield up made me smile a cheesy grin, even when I was crying at the time. Now, if life is like a river, but you’re not running through it, and it is running through you; then I’d like to tell this person everything, every secret, every whirl.
Believe in yourself, for when you don’t I will. This is but one brick in my very long wall.