Daily mood: irritable.
There are many people in the world, and some will enter your life better than you, worse than you, and equal to you. I find the ones who are equal to you are the most difficult to help, but also, the rarest to find.
When you meet someone on the same page, one who is equal to you, you have a balance to keep. Do you help or do they help you? In fact, anyone who I meet who are on a similar level to me, in any meaning of the word, I find difficult to confront over problems, because you can help, you can make it feel like they can rely on you, but if they take your hand, and accept your help, does that push them further back? So that they are then walking behind you?
I mean, does that mean then that we don’t help the people who we share the most with? out of fear of them falling behind. That being said, it may seem like it’s more for my own benefit, but it is for theirs, or for our benefit that conundrums like this exist.
It is the fact that when you come across people in your life, sometimes, they want to match you, and rival you; even when they love you. The problem is, each choice will come with like an illusive shadow; you will never know how it will turn, but you have to make a choice.
I’ve never been an indecisive person, but when you make decisions like this you have the fear of instead of holding someone’s hand, walking forward, side by side, you are dragging them, or they are dragging you.
The thing is we need someone to pick us up sometimes. We need someone to help us through our darkest hours, and our loneliest nights.
It’s an interesting thought, and I’ve lived my life so far, and based my decision making on the way that I feel, and the way that I visualise things in my mind. It’s interesting that for the first time I have stood back to back with someone when I have one of these episodic thoughts of the connection I have to someone, as opposed to walking with them, or dragging them.
I’m not sure what that means, but I’ll be interested to find out. I guess, I’ve never really trusted anyone, properly, but I would give this friend all of my secrets, if I could. It’s funny, because being so fond of someone, like that, is what makes me scared. Sometimes, people stand as your shadow, and sometimes you stand as theirs, sometimes, you stand ahead of someone, and sometimes they stand ahead of you, but perhaps the rarest of all is standing back to back with someone, as if there is no shadow, at all. (Cryptic, I know. I love it.)
I guess, the morale of this post is:
I believe those who connect the most can be the most fragile.
Believe in yourself, for when you don’t, I will. This is just one brick, in a very long wall.