So, I’ve had half a week of mixed emotions. Some would ascertain it would have something to do with my headaches, or this tension I’ve been feeling, and others would perhaps suggest the cause may be the Protein shakes and diet programme. But, aside from the tension my week has been a little lazy; still working on the concept of hard work.
Well, I would say yesterday, and today have been a little bit of an under-achievement. I wrote two character bibles yesterday and that was all.
“Olsen the Lion, a manipulator with deep blue eyes, and a hint of green. Standing at 6″2, the man was someone to be feared. He was once a proud, and courageous man who towered above others in honour, but had let fame, and fortune take his mind. He escaped to Denmark, where he rose to fight in the ranks of Danish officers, and pilfers Swedish secrets. He is second to none in Denmark as a warrior. He loses control of his pride when faced with a chance to kill the son of Trinson Vargr, and goes out of his way to chase him, like a mad dog.” (short character description, actual character bible is 6 pages long)
“Lennart Haroldsson, an unhinged boy who witnessed the white wolf kill his father in front of him, then mock him by telling him to grow up and seek revenge if he dared. He did. He fled as far as Rome, and was taken in by the Catholic church, provided an education, and when Pope Pascal II realised that he would not be persuaded to give up his revenge. He helped him train with the Pikemen residing in the Vatican. He trained, and in the ten years it took him to grow up, at the age of 18 he stood 6″8 and towered almost any man around him. He was strong, and wild. He carried a pike five meters long and handled it like a dagger. He was quick, and shot across the battlefield. Even young, he was determined, and was a fast learner. He was to meet his adversary Trinson Vargr, at Trinson’s home after skulking past the boarders, and into the forests so vast one can lose oneself in.” (another 6 page character bible)
Today, I went to the gym, and aimed to reach 170BPM, this for some reason was very difficult for me. I kept getting distracted, and my heart rate lowered. It really annoyed me, so much so that I tried my best to work and on a cross trainer, to the point where I had to move 26.9kmph just to raise my heart-rate above 150. Ugh, but hey, it worked for a little while at least. I do wish I could get back into the swing of strength training. I’ve never really been in the swing of it and would love a helping hand in it but people seem so… isolated in the gym it’s hard to disturb them.
Other than the gym, I was supposed to read today, and ended up falling asleep for 2 hours, took a shower, and decided that it was time to go get my new bank card. So, I went shopping with a friend, who finally told me something that was going on in her head, instead of hounding me for information; for a change. It was a pleasant surprise, and aside from that I found myself realising something today.
There’s something I’ve been lacking lately, and seeing as I don’t tend to have much of it, I haven’t thought it was a problem until today. The thing is, I’m an awkward mix between loner, and socialiser in the fact that I do enjoy company, I mean, really… who doesn’t? But at the same time I don’t want to be attached to someone by the hip, but the thing I’m okay with is being inside one another’s heads. I mean, when you enjoy someone’s company, and you get to know them more each time you talk one would purport that you would find yourself on the same wave-length, and then things just click.
I find myself in this position with a very few people, but I’m lucky to have at least one person I’m like this with, though without a certain level of depth to a person it’s hard to find such doors into a person’s mind, never mind at a level where you would trust them undoubtedly.
This is my predicament… some days are easier, and I get my fix of in-depth conversation, whether I/they talk about dreams, or problems, or decisions, or worldly issues like religion or politics; it really shows you the type of person they are, and when you value nothing, share no view, have no opinion… there’s nothing to create something out of. What do you do then? Well, like a dying flame burning out, seeking out a breeze to give it a push… does it breathe again? or does it die?
I’d rather not get extinguished like a flame, and whether this relates to you, or someone you know, comment below. Have you ever felt like you’re reaching out but not being answered? Crying out without tears? It’s a difficult thing to think about. And to those I know who this does effect… if it bothers you just talk to me about it, and if you get annoyed with my words… either don’t read, or just talk…
The rest, is up to you.