I’ve been teaching my daughter that when she falls over she should get up, brush herself off, and carry on going. Now, some people have been a bit funny with me when I’ve said this; I haven’t rushed off to pick her up when she has cried, nor have I babied her because of every tiny little thing. Every time she falls over, whether it be through the mud, or on concrete, I kneel down next to her and remind her what we do “What do we do when we fall over?”
Sometimes, I get an “Um,” or an “Ahh.” but this week, when she fell over she picked herself up and said, “We brush ourselves off”. When she said that it melted my heart because of how strong she seems to have become already. It reminded me of something many people should, or have yet to learn in their lives – No one will pick you up, but you.
So, when you reach the floor, and look aimlessly for someone to listen to you, for someone to nurture you, stop. Start reaching inward, and you look at yourself in the mirror, dust yourself off. Whether you’ve not felt sexy, or pretty, or handsome in forever, and you go get dressed. It doesn’t matter whether your sixty stone or 6; you look in that mirror, with the haircut you wanted, the clothes you’ve always wanted to wear, and you go out with a smile on your face. When you do that, nothing can break you; the reason for that is because you are the one who picked yourself up, brushed the dirt of failure, panic, heartbreak away, and comforted yourself.
You begin to realise that you don’t need someone else to comfort you, to baby you, to protect your heart. The problem with this society is that we are born into a negative world, with negative views, and negative programming. It is up to you to change that programming for yourself. It is the whole, ‘is the cup half full, or half empty’ gig. It is half fucking full, and there’s enough room in there to pour in whatever the fuck you want on top of that.
It has taken me a long time to come to the conclusion that the problems I have can be changed and they can be for you, as well. The problem being your own negativity. I would fail, blame myself, and blame others, but forget about blame. Just dust it off, call it a learning experience, and move the fuck on. When you feel tired, and sore at the end of the day; instead of giving up, close your eyes, and remember how far you’ve come, and if you’ve not come far, imagine how far you want to go. Let in feelings of what you can become, instead of what you’ve been told you can’t become. When you’ve rested your eyes, and remembered why you’re here, what you’re doing, and where you’re going, crack on with it.
I’ve spent too much of my life focusing on other people to the extent where I lost a big part of myself every time I gave someone everything I had to offer and they walked away, or betrayed me. That’s the wrong way to live, and I don’t care if you think it’s the right way or not. Bringing up the age old story of ‘giving a man a fish, or teaching him how to fish’ You teach him how to fish, and set him on his way. You don’t become their parent, and you don’t become their protector. No one needs that, it’s only a mirage that they tell themselves because of the way the world has received them.
The most important lesson I have come to understand as of late is ‘You can’t help someone who does not want to help themselves’ and is that the type of person you want to be? Of course not. So, if you help yourself, and you get up, and get knocked back down. Don’t worry, don’t ruin yourself with destructive thoughts. You get up again, and again, and when you can get up no more, then you ask for help because you, in your whole have tried all you can try, and sometimes, that’s worth more than ever coming first, or succeeding in anything. People will come and go, and you will learn much from them, but never forget who you are, and who you want to be.
For me, I have never had much talent for anything. I don’t know how to play an instrument, aside from a simple recorder at a basic level. I haven’t travelled the world, or lived a life of virtue. I haven’t mastered the art of writing, or the art of mars. I haven’t done anything I would consider of noteworthy. Sure, I know I have my daughter, like most people will remind me after this post, but I saw no choice there, in my head so really, it was not something I decided to do.
What I’m saying is, though I’ve not got any amazing skill, aside video games, of all things… I have an ability to overcome, and that is something you can program into yourself. In Norse mythology they do not tell you the gods are perfect, or invincible. They tell you the unique story of a group of people who have become great by facing their vulnerabilities, and never ceasing. Each God had a vulnerability they would face everyday. Whether it be Thor’s pride, or Freyja’s loneliness. Throughout the sagas they always face their own demons and grow stronger because of that. That, I believe is an important lesson to share. The society back then deemed it more important to have an ability to overcome, and teach that, than to be perfect at any aspect of life.
Just remember, only you can help yourself.