An Ember

That flickering will o’wisp; the dancing amber flame. The melting, burning wood; food to the fire. That fire, and I, share a similarity. There are moments, where we feel extinguished, but it takes a wind, a breeze, a falling leaf, to ignite us, and strengthen our soul.

I’ll be honest, I’m not the best at anything; certainly not the best at writing.

Sometimes, I’ll pretend to be, and sometimes I’ll make people feel like they understand nothing; I don’t mean to; I’m not that shallow.

However, sitting here late at night, contemplating things after watching my two current favourite TV programs (Vikings, and Lucifer), I learned something about myself.

The fact that I can sit here, after not working out for almost three months and still do a decent work-out. I understand a bit more about myself; I’m not on par with the best, or many of the students in my class. The one thing I do have, is this fire inside me which drives me like clockwork. I fiddle my thumbs, but when I’m close to failure, on the edge of defeat… that’s when I come-back, rise, and get myself sorted.

I’ve had an itch in my knee for weeks now. It is an itch I get where an injury I had sustained when I was young. I will admit that it drives me up the wall. It aggravates me, but sitting there today, and working out, practising tai-chi, and a little bit of yoga I’ve come to realise it disappears when I’m trying. The same as it had been the first time over the last month I hadn’t felt tired. Only during the time where I was productive.

So, I was so close to failing, and so close to screwing up my first year, I’ve pulled everything together now, and I’m aiming upwards, and whether I reach the highest, or whether I just get back on track, who knows… but I’m willing to find out.

So, I’m starting the gym on Monday, five days a week. No more junk food (not even doughnuts) and I’m going to pull my head together. I’ve talked to a few tutors about how to improve my learning in their corresponding subjects. I’ve offered to mentor people in September, and I’m looking forward to getting my life back on track. In all honestly, it’s about time.

Anyway, I’ve decided that I’m going to blog about my skills over the summer, and the ways that I’m revising, and improving my English skills. Needless to say, I’ve got it all planned out.

I’m pumped for the next three months.

Goal: Lose 6 stone, gain muscle, and drop the excess weight. Sounds like a piece of cake, right? (mhm, cake.) I’ll be posting a before picture, when I begin. And an after.

Objective one: Grammar. I’m going to blast through two weeks of grammar studies. My aim is to hopefully incorporate the damn logic into my head. So I am able to identify every grammar term when looking at text. So, I’ll keep you posted on that. After the initial two weeks there will be a grammar day each week.

Objective two: Lexis and Phonology; I’d like to figure this out, so I’ll be transcribing the heck out of everything. Which reminds me, I’m giving some of my furnishings to refugees tomorrow. Also, similarly I want to revise my lexis/phonology and come to grips with it all, including reading the books and hopefully, some practical study…

Objective three: Read every single book for my classes next year. (I will also be planning each assignment, and getting the assorted references ready for them.) I know, right? This sounds crazy, even to me.

Objective four: Write something creative twice a week. This doesn’t include the blog. This is going to be interesting.

Objective five: I’ll be dedicating a day, per week to my novel. I want to get the planning done, and see the first chapter. I can’t wait for this. It’s going to be so fun!

Objective six: Record, remind, and remember to evaluate myself. This is important because I know I will lose some form of drive throughout the summer, and get into a rut perhaps, but if I keep a check on that hopefully it won’t happen.


That’s all for now, and remember that when you think of giving up, don’t.

You’re worth much more than that.




3 thoughts on “An Ember

  1. Very busy then! You probably already know this but I’ll say it anyway, if you aim to gain a lot of muscle, you probably won’t reach your goal weight because the fat will be replaced by muscle. I think you said it right by saying gain muscle and drop the excess weight. I know that all my diets have focussed on my weight and they never work. Now I’m trying one that focusses on exercise and just toning up my body, not shedding the pounds. Whether that works better for me, I guess we’ll find out in 8 weeks.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the comment Meg, and I know. I’m not planning on gaining too much, I think we’ll see when I start to lose the pounds, and what needs to be toned up. Thanks for reading though.

      Liked by 1 person

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