A smile and some doughnuts

Good evening,

Whilst sitting on my parents sofa, my daughter is upstairs sleeping, and I’m subjected to watching TV I’ve watched before. Nothing interesting is on, and nothing seems to catch my attention tonight.

I had such a brilliant day yesterday that I doubt today could compete. Other than the fact that I took my daughter to the park today, where we played football for the first time, ran around in circles for an hour, and chased each other up and down the slides, pushed her on the swings and so on. That was great. The rest, not so much. I am left with an abundance of doughnuts though. Krispy Kremes. Grand.

Much has happened over the Easter break; some of which makes me wonder whether or not my life is improving, sailing in the same direction, or hitting rocky waters. After having a lovely session of meditation where I had some brilliant self-reflection I started my week of pretty well. I managed to finish my language project, and my creative writing assignments; pretty brilliant, if you ask me.

At the beginning of the week I had an up and down one after another. I’ve been talking to someone and getting pretty close but they seem pretty scared of trying anything with me because they’re not sure they can handle a proper relationship, and is even more worried about losing me if they screw up. At the same time I could understand, it hurt my feelings a bit and made me feel like that is what goes through everyone’s head when they get close to me. I wondered whether or not everyone I talk to wonders, or thinks about whether they will hurt not just me, but my daughter as well. Its a little sad to think about really.

I hope she does come to a decision, good, or bad… I’m not going to push it or mention it until she messages me and is ready, but at the same time… its just sad that someone can be put off you because their friends told them differently. I just hope she makes her own mind up, but whatever happens, happens.

It really cheered me up spending the day with my friend yesterday, and though I kick started the day with an up-beat attitude it got even better by the time it hit 2pm, I met up with a friend from Uni and went shopping, after a laugh at the knitting shop where she asked for leather, and they asked if we were using it for role-play, the afternoon just kept getting funnier. After leaving our jackets at home because it was warm the world decided to laugh at us by sending a hail storm down, and so we were huddled together for a few hours, after racking up 17.3km on my pedometer that day, we spent the evening eating a bucket of chicken, and watching Battle Royale – which, was a funnier, Japanese version of The Hunger Games.

Anyway, it was fun to spend the day with her. As much as she always thinks I’m laughing at her, when I’m not, at all. Though, it’s pretty hilarious, because she keeps trying to persuade me that she’s this tough ‘no emotion’ woman, when she’s not, at all.

Today on the other hand, has been quite an interesting one. I left the house and it took me two hours longer to reach Newport than normal due to the fact that the train driver said there had been a fatality. Someone jumped in front of the train. Pretty insane, right? They apologized and it took a while to get going but once I was in Newport I met up with a friend and we had lunch. I then bought two dozen doughnuts and shared them with my family. I know, I’m awesome, right? Ha-ha.

Anyway, after taking my daughter to the park, and watching her eat a doughnut, and struggle doing so it was time to sit down and I put Tangled on for her to fall asleep to. She fell straight to sleep in my arms, and here I am. Typing away, thinking about all the things over the last week or so. Too bad I don’t have a mind that can switch off. Maybe one day, eh? Until then, I’ll just devour my doughnuts.


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