A whittled Rose

I’ve never understood the White Rose. It represents undying love; A love that lasts forever. Whether that just so happens to be in eros, philia, ludus, agape, pagma, or even philautia, it doesn’t matter.

I mean, a matter of fact I’ve always been a bit of a loner, a disconnected, dis-sensitized person who, quoting a close friend of mine, “For someone who sees the world in such a different way to everyone else, sees some things very much in black and white.” and she was/is right.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes, I think rules are necessary even though I have such an old view on life. Quite possibly, I have an outdated view on life. I am positive that I should have been born in a different era. That being said, I do leave an impression on people, and have left quite an impression on many over the years.

Now, I don’t forget faces, and eyes are what I remember the most. Also, I have a memory of places, so it takes a lot to get me lost. Anyway, back to faces.

With faces, I associate a specific gaze, with… it’s not the eye colour but the feeling I get from someone looking at me, and that sounds a little crazy but that’s how it is. In actual fact I’ve had a few good conversations with my friends, and have come to a position where I have had a few things to think about.

The White Rose, pulls me back to the first person I had a spiritual connection with, and even though that symbol, of a white rose, the meaning has stayed with me, it has relevance due to another friend saying, “You don’t let go of anything. Though you accept things, they are always there, but never letting you live.” And again, it’s sort of true, because the curse I have where I remember peoples’ faces is a pain in the butt, and my mind works like triggers, so from a face I trigger memories, and one triggers the other, etc. etc. Problem, right?

It doesn’t particularly act as a problem, or acts as something I struggle with. It is just, me. A friend this evening in fact, told me that memories are something we keep alive, or its up to us whether we forget, or keep them. And I can understand where she comes from, because I don’t find certain things important, thus I don’t remember them as such. What I do remember are faces and places. I don’t know why I see them as being the most important…. it’s just programmed into me.

It’s gotten to the point in my life where I am in a position where I value the people who have been there in my life, and see no reason not to be there for them when they need me, even if the matter of time has stood as a barricade between us, and pushed us far away. It doesn’t matter to me if you’ve not seen me in a month, or a year, or 5 or 10, if you help me, I’ll help you, and if you’ve done me a favour, been kind, or just listened, I will do the same for you.

I am not someone who likes to feel indebted to someone, but at the same time, I’m not afraid to ask for help.

This is important to differentiate the two because I find that pride can sometimes get in the way of the more important things. Like, philautia. Self-love. You need to love yourself, and if understanding someone is another word for loving someone, then that’s exactly what you need to do. And everyone in my past, who has helped me become the person I am today, I remember like it was yesterday.

I remember talking to someone on camera every night for the good part of 2 years, and I remember having a million and one chats with certain people, or meeting up for coffee twice a week with friends who we talked to high-heaven. Even ex-partners, even the big-ex, I don’t hold hatred, anger or discontent for what happened, because I wouldn’t be who I am now without their input in my life, good, or bad.

And I try to understand that to be who I am, these things needed to happen.

It makes me sad when someone wants me to forget them, or when someone wants to forget me; take a conversation I had this evening for example.

One of my good friends said to me that they’re leaving soon, and that they don’t see the point in being friends with someone who lives so far away, as past events have told her that she can’t be friends with someone long distance. I know, I understand the situation and have been in the situation before. However, I don’t believe that, because friendship to me is you are there when you can be. It doesn’t get held back because of time, or distance.

That’s where the white rose comes into it. I have an undying love, for anyone who makes, or has made my life better.

Where it be Eros, physical and mental attraction. Being with someone brings this side out of me, and I’ll always remember everyone I’ve ever had that attraction to, and I will cherish every second I experience it with the partner I am with now.

or, whether it be Philia, a deep friendship. I will always have an undying love for the people who have been around me, the people I’ve held in my arms and witnessed their crying, and been at their side, or when they’ve been at mine, without any expectations, and just been there.

or, Agape, a love for everyone. An undying love for humanity, in the sense that connects to me, it is this interwoven desire to be connected to the world, and the White Rose imitates that inter-locking set of chains, through it’s petals over-lapping one another.

or, Pragma, a longstanding love. i’ve experienced this even at my age, and I can honestly say, that feelings for someone, they don’t go, but you accept to let them go, you always feel something when you fall in love, but you give up a piece of yourself when moving on. Things like this, last forever, they stay with you, and sometimes, it can feel like the person walks with you, because a part of yourself is made when you connect to that person for the first time, and the last.

And Philautia, a love of the self. I struggled with this for the longest time, my whole life if not longer. This is because I have always been more weary of myself, than anyone else. Whether it was anger issues as a kid, or whether I didn’t feel good enough for anyone, and self-doubt sunk its claws into me. Either way, it has taken me a long time to come to a position where I see light in myself, and that I’ve been in darkness for far too long. This one is particularly interesting because my partner is helping me realise this, from being there for me without question, and always being kind, and understanding. Not just that, but also I’ve been overcoming challenges, barricades I’ve set myself, and I’ve been winning, for the first time. It’s been amazing.

So, I just wanted to write about the white rose, and how it connects us all to each other, in many ways, and no matter how good, or bad an experience is, I’ll always remember it, and though it can seem like it weighs you down, once you accept it, you’re lighter than ever, and stronger than before. And after the things I’ve seen, done, or been through… I know.

my last weekend of having junk food commences. On Monday, I’m giving up chocolate, crisps, unhealthy snacks, and we shall see how much conviction I really have!

Advertisements

An Ember

That flickering will o’wisp; the dancing amber flame. The melting, burning wood; food to the fire. That fire, and I, share a similarity. There are moments, where we feel extinguished, but it takes a wind, a breeze, a falling leaf, to ignite us, and strengthen our soul.

I’ll be honest, I’m not the best at anything; certainly not the best at writing.

Sometimes, I’ll pretend to be, and sometimes I’ll make people feel like they understand nothing; I don’t mean to; I’m not that shallow.

However, sitting here late at night, contemplating things after watching my two current favourite TV programs (Vikings, and Lucifer), I learned something about myself.

The fact that I can sit here, after not working out for almost three months and still do a decent work-out. I understand a bit more about myself; I’m not on par with the best, or many of the students in my class. The one thing I do have, is this fire inside me which drives me like clockwork. I fiddle my thumbs, but when I’m close to failure, on the edge of defeat… that’s when I come-back, rise, and get myself sorted.

I’ve had an itch in my knee for weeks now. It is an itch I get where an injury I had sustained when I was young. I will admit that it drives me up the wall. It aggravates me, but sitting there today, and working out, practising tai-chi, and a little bit of yoga I’ve come to realise it disappears when I’m trying. The same as it had been the first time over the last month I hadn’t felt tired. Only during the time where I was productive.

So, I was so close to failing, and so close to screwing up my first year, I’ve pulled everything together now, and I’m aiming upwards, and whether I reach the highest, or whether I just get back on track, who knows… but I’m willing to find out.

So, I’m starting the gym on Monday, five days a week. No more junk food (not even doughnuts) and I’m going to pull my head together. I’ve talked to a few tutors about how to improve my learning in their corresponding subjects. I’ve offered to mentor people in September, and I’m looking forward to getting my life back on track. In all honestly, it’s about time.

Anyway, I’ve decided that I’m going to blog about my skills over the summer, and the ways that I’m revising, and improving my English skills. Needless to say, I’ve got it all planned out.

I’m pumped for the next three months.

Goal: Lose 6 stone, gain muscle, and drop the excess weight. Sounds like a piece of cake, right? (mhm, cake.) I’ll be posting a before picture, when I begin. And an after.

Objective one: Grammar. I’m going to blast through two weeks of grammar studies. My aim is to hopefully incorporate the damn logic into my head. So I am able to identify every grammar term when looking at text. So, I’ll keep you posted on that. After the initial two weeks there will be a grammar day each week.

Objective two: Lexis and Phonology; I’d like to figure this out, so I’ll be transcribing the heck out of everything. Which reminds me, I’m giving some of my furnishings to refugees tomorrow. Also, similarly I want to revise my lexis/phonology and come to grips with it all, including reading the books and hopefully, some practical study…

Objective three: Read every single book for my classes next year. (I will also be planning each assignment, and getting the assorted references ready for them.) I know, right? This sounds crazy, even to me.

Objective four: Write something creative twice a week. This doesn’t include the blog. This is going to be interesting.

Objective five: I’ll be dedicating a day, per week to my novel. I want to get the planning done, and see the first chapter. I can’t wait for this. It’s going to be so fun!

Objective six: Record, remind, and remember to evaluate myself. This is important because I know I will lose some form of drive throughout the summer, and get into a rut perhaps, but if I keep a check on that hopefully it won’t happen.

 

That’s all for now, and remember that when you think of giving up, don’t.

You’re worth much more than that.

Goodnight.

 

Diaries of a Madman IV

If you pour a handful of salt into a cup of water, the water becomes undrinkable. But if you pour the salt into a river, people can continue to draw the water to cook, wash, and drink. The river is immense, and it has the capacity to receive, embrace, and transform. When our hearts are small, our understanding and compassion are limited, and we suffer. We can’t accept or tolerate others and their shortcomings, and we demand that they change. But when our hearts expand, these same things don’t make us suffer anymore. We have a lot of understanding and compassion and can embrace others. We accept others as they are, and then they have a chance to transform.

I came across this quote from a man named, ‘Thick Nhat Hanh’ in his book, How to love.  I wasn’t sure about this as I spotted it on a news site, and lets face it… they aren’t particularly trustworthy, are they?

Well, it seems quite interesting actually as it resonates with a similar thinking I have on such matters. I’ve looked for someone to understand me the better part of my life, and with little luck in such matters, it helped me understand myself more than anything. This man writes his philosophical ideals about how to love in this book.

When we feed and support our own happiness, we are nourishing our ability to love. That’s why to love means to learn the art of nourishing our happiness.

Understanding someone’s suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name. If you don’t understand, you can’t love.

I mean, whats not to love about these passages? They make you think, have a positive vibe about them, and its all about love.

I liked the words, ‘Understanding is love’s other name.’ as that’s what I’ve always tried to do, understand. Though, I’m still figuring out whether or not that sounds a bit dodgy seeing as if someone says, “I’m trying to understand everyone”, as in ‘love’ everyone, then I’d probably reply saying,

“Alright mate, keep it in your pants.”

But regardless, it’s idyllic, and a philosophy I can understand. (See what I did there?).

 

On another note: – I realized yesterday, how scary I can come across. Worst of all, it could be the smallest, shortest, yet powerful statements I say without thinking, “Maybe, just maybe, Daniel, they’re a bit much.” Like when playing Ark yesterday. Where, for some reason, I get called ‘The King’ Nothing to do with my username being, ‘King Vargr’ but still. Ha.

And when a teammate threatened me, accidentally killed a tamed dinosaur, lost all of the equipment he was wearing, and then started barking orders at me…

I simply replied, “Talk to me like that, and I may remove your head from your shoulders” the other tribemembers became like dolls with beady little eyes watching us argue. And all of a sudden he said, “Okay, thank you for helping 🙂 🙂 :)” So, it worked. I think. I can’t believe I gotta act like a King in the game just to make sure they don’t try and betray me, sheesh. It reminds me of when I played a game called, ‘War of Vikings’. It was when I first changed my name to King Vargr, and I would have people with shields standing near, or in front of me, all the time.

Ah, memories. Back in the days where I played that game with a two handed executioners axe, and the guys would stand in front of me, and when an enemy charged, they’d separate and watch me decapitate them. Maybe that’s where I get it from. Ha.

 

So, I will state one thing that is aggravating me at the moment… and that is my tiredness. I’ve not been able to wake up energetically since January, and whether that’s because I need to catch up on several hours of sleep, stress, something stupid, or a shadow lurking over me, who knows. But it is succeeding in irritating me. So, forgiveness being a virtue and all, I hope some people can forgive me for being a moody pants sometimes.

 

Diary of a Madman III

Unleashing some form of positive vibe has been the aim of the game over the last few days. I’m trying to bring the best I can to every conversation. Even if it means making a bit of a fool of myself to cheer someone up.

I have been playing games, though not THAT much. Though, I will be taming a few giant spiders over the next weekend which will be hilarious. (Just to scare some friends.) #evillaugh. Yes, I hashtagged. I’m a boss.

Importantly, to note: It’s been going really well with the girl I met. First time for everything, eh? and I keep noticing these little behavioral cues she gives when she’s nervous. We ended up play fighting yesterday and having a tickle fight. I fell on a plastic cup; it hurt.

This morning however, I fell down the stairs. I tripped on a box I put there, and slid, landing at a 90 degree angle. I know, laugh it up — I know you will.

Anyway, I’ve put Dark Souls II to the side for a few days due to the fact that I have not got the head on me to deal with the butt-heads playing. (sobs) some guy pointed to a box telling me it was safe to open, and a giant Mimic ate me… It wasn’t fun. Cried, I did.

Lately, it has been a nice balance between talking to friends, meeting new people, and spending time with my girlfriend. The fact that I have one assignment left until September also adds to the continuity of my good mood. I know, grand — right?

To top things off, I’ve let go of the pain I was feeling around Christmas time with my friend, and we’re back to being friends again, rather than the awkward conversations they have been rather fun.

So, all in all, things are looking up. I passed my grammar class, at 43%, but even so… I did not expect to pass. That was a plus. I will definitely be working on grammar over the summer and getting myself up to a decent standard.

So… all in all, things are looking up, after my assignment (that has to be handed in, in 5 days) I will be starting the gym, where I will aim to lose 6 stone (about 40KG). I know… Perhaps I’ll put up a before, and after picture — who knows.

Finally, I’d just like to say, I hope everyone has a nice day, and things start improving for them, too. Other than a jealous pain in the ass or two in my life, it has been pretty great as of late.

Diaries of a Madman II

Good morning, or good afternoon. Perhaps, it’s god morgon.  Curse this extra keyboard some spanish lady snuck onto my laptop without my knowledge. Or perhaps it was with. Anyway, after a collapsing, degrading attempt at playing Dark Souls III from the beginning, as a sorcerer. I truly knew despair last night. I don’t know how people play as a specific class. I end up making hybrid classes. For example: My sorcerer now wields a giant axe.

I got so frustrated yesterday, on broadcast due to some plebs that summoned me into their game. People who couldn’t dodge, or wouldn’t stop doing stupid things. Three people jumped off a cliff whilst trying to kill a pissin’ lizard. I mean, come on, you doughnuts.

Anyway, my mind is whirling, “Final assignment for this year” *jumps with a joyous, pumped fist*. Anyway…

I got creative this morning, so let me tell you a story:

My eyes widen; my focus incalculable; my arms stretch far; I sit on bended knee. I soar through the forest like it is my own. I move around the trees, and I see much. I witness ants leaving their nests for their first journey of the day; I observe the worms fertilizing the plants, and I move lower, to watch them; it makes me salivate, much. I stretch out my arms, and bend down close. I point at them with my beady eyes, my armoured face, and I whisk my raven-black hair around. I move, clutching my un-clipped toes through the soft mud, digging for more food. I snap, and snap, reaching for prey with my jaw. I see others move around me, they’re watching me, with smaller eyes than myself, like shadows, on the trees around me. They fly down, and stretch their arms out wide. They threaten me?

I am bigger, stronger, faster. I confront the first, and raise my arms out, and spread my body to make me tower above them. I stretch my neck out, and raise my fist like claws. The small one is brave, faces me, like a crow to a lion. I take two steps and jump high. He jumps too, and we fly. We spin around each other, and reach into the sky. I claw at him, and he claws at me. We reach a point where we turn around, and fall to the earth, back where the worms are lying. I’ve wounded him, he is weak. Still, he fights. We spin, and dance around each other. I clutch him in my grip and when we land, I stretch my arms out once more, his neck in my hands, and my landing, softened. I let him go, let him live. He wouldn’t try it again now, would he?

Who am I?

I am a raven, my feathers are my hair, my arms are my wings, and my jaw is my beak.

I got bored, can’t blame me. Hope you enjoy this silly tale.

Have a nice day everyone!

Also, I will be putting a bed together over the weekend, and it has a slide, I mean, how amazing is that? I want a slide on my bed… Never too old. Maybe one day.

Here is a song, a crazy video, and something to illuminate your day with pretty colours, no, I’m not talking about drugs; Get your mind out of the gutter.

The diary of a Madman I

So, I remember what I was saying in my previous post. I’ve had a whale of a time online, lately. I’ve been streaming my experience playing “Dark Souls 3” on twitch. It isn’t the only game I’ve been streaming, however. I’ve streamed “The Forest” and “Ark: survival evolved”, and whatever else. Call of Duty Black Ops 3 didn’t work though. Shameful display CoD.

Anyway, I’ve also, got a girlfriend! (woo) lol. It’s been amazing spending time with her, and she’s really enthusiastic about spending time with me, and can’t seem to get to know me fast enough. It’s so cute. She worries so much though, over the smallest things; it is cute though. She’s such a lovely girl, and it couldn’t be at a better time, having the summer to do things. I am sure things will get better.

So, anyway, enough about real life stuff: let me say, if you want to see/hear me cry after dying 100 times, or looking freakin’ awesome on a game, and wondering why you can’t be as cool as me, (I can’t fit through my door due to my ego right now), then come watch my twitch. I usually broadcast in the evenings, 7pm (GMT) but you’re all welcome to follow me and check in from time to time. You never know, might enjoy hearing me cry, or swear.

https://www.twitch.tv/omegawhitty

 

 

 

P.S for those reading the last post, wondering what the hell I was on about. It started with the amusing fact that my google browser now calls me “King”, short for King Vargr, which I’m known as now on games, and I used to be known as omegawhitty. I’m not sure which I prefer being called as, in-game, or in real life, as a few people I’ve played games with, called me “The King” in real life… it made me roll on the floor laughing, just a little.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a lovely day! 20160414224230_1.jpg

You’re welcome!!

Diaries of a Madman I

 

Throughout my life I’ve had a couple dozen funny conversations with people. To imply one isn’t a little bit mad, is quite possibly the most ridiculous thing to imagine. That being said though, sometimes you look around and think, “Geez, it makes me feel less crazy when I take a look around me.” Ha-ha. Though looking at the past, I must say, it’s not that hard to see. Let me explain:

I grew up, a little mix between an atheist and an agnostic. I didn’t want to believe in God, seeing as much of my childhood, I saw pain. Needless to say, it wasn’t my own pain I saw, but those around me. However, remembering suicides, seeing sadness, and that inescapable emotional pain that lingers after one hurts another through selfish actions, it played on my mind, and probably stays with me to this day.

I started my research on the spiritual side of life when I was 15, and after meeting a woman who told me she was my wife once, and several other impossibly accurate things she knew about me I was set on that path, but still I do think, “What a crazy thing to say” but I can’t help but laugh.

Furthered by a girl I was in a relationship for two years, when she told me she was several different people. Not awkward, I think I counted over 50. The sex was interesting though. Though, little tip, “Don’t ever say you prefer the other one.” that’s a big no-no.

And, I keep coming across people who ask me a paramount of questions, as if I’m buddha and they’re Buddhists. It’s a little crazy. I researched magic, spirituality, norse, and other pantheons of gods, touched a brief amount of blood magic, researched cults, looking for something that could help me find more research on the seers I wanted to put in my books. And I found a lot. Though, it doesn’t mean I know every answer, otherwise, I’d not be here.

You’d be surprised. I’m good with faces, I remember eyes, scare palm readers with my hands, and am an exhausting person to talk to because my single meaning sentences sound like they have quadruple meanings, on an average. Apologies, that’s just me. I’m not crazy, or sane, maybe a little mad.

I think I handle the whole ‘sitch’ well. Don’t you?

Ha-ha.

Anyway, I got distracted mid-way through my blog post, and I forget where I was going with this. So, maybe next time.

Ciao.

Why I Didn’t Kill Myself — J.M. Rosenberger

I’ve visited hell a couple of times in my life. I take full responsibility for those visits, regardless of genetic bias towards anxiety and depression or whatever other explanation there is for it. There is only one person that gets to take credit for anything that happens in my life, and that person is me. So … Continue reading Why I Didn’t Kill Myself

via Why I Didn’t Kill Myself — J.M. Rosenberger

Can’t get to know you quicker

This won’t be long-winded or an exasperated rant.

I went to a friend’s party on Saturday, and when it was at the point in the night where everyone was settling down, and relaxing we were all sitting on the sofa singing Disney songs (as if I didn’t get enough of that at home). Though, I remember when the people in the kitchen settled down a bit a girl I hadn’t really talked to at the party jumped between another person and I, and decided to cling to me because I’m always warm. Well, at least someone appreciates it, I don’t. Ha-ha. Well, when you end up staying up all night talking to that person, seeing the look in their eyes when they show genuine interest in you; it was refreshing and it was new.

It’s funny, really, because I’d sort of given up looking for anyone, and stopped looking, didn’t expect anything either, but we ended up spending the following day together, and the day after that so… who knows what it will lead to but it really is nice to talk to someone who seems genuinely interested in me, and is trying to figure me out, bless her.

After a good weekend, and not really sleeping for the last three days, I woke up this morning with a smile on my face and I’m ready to put in my all in this assignment this week. I’m a little disappointed in my work because my one assignment is double the required word count… so I hope they don’t ask me to change that. (I’m waiting a response) furthermore, I have an essay to write comparing two pieces of work, and another after that, but then I’m free.

So, lets mix English and history, by comparing the perspectives two books can take on  World War One. This should be fun… right?

Difficult situations

I meditated the other night, and for the first time in a while, I travelled inside, and looked inside my mind. It had changed quite a bit since the last time I walked through my hallways, and saw the cold-stone corridors that stretched, to what seemed like forever. It had been a while since I walked into the darkness, passing doors on the left and right. I usually tried to open every door. I got distracted by every floor. I would go into every room, and try and sort things out, take a look, peak; I would lose myself within each room. It would be different within each one, sometimes people, sometimes fun, and sometimes darkness. The problem with these doors was that they were endless. They kept on going, each emotion had a door, each tense (past, present, future) connections, and so on, so on. But this time, I walked down the corridors, touching the walls with my hands and sliding my fingers across the frames of each door. I kept going. I walked, and I walked. Instead of being locked, or hiding something within them some of them opened. They tried to distract me, but I had no interest. I kept on walking.

When I finally came to the end, I found myself staring at this pedestal with an old book on it. Pillars stood all around it, like a sanctuary, or a trap. I had been there before but it felt like it had been forever. I walked up to the pillars, and the closer I did, the more then people from each room in that corridor came out to watch. There were several figures that stood there waiting. They didn’t push me, or didn’t try to take my eyes away from the book. The only words I heard thunder through my mind were, “Open these pages, and you’ll remember why you’re here.”

I opened them, and the rest was a blur. I’ve been getting an exasperating amount of De Ja Vu since, and finding myself in a paramount of weird situations.

I was reminded of the first time I had certain de ja vu, and I’ve come to a point now where I’m starting to understand them, or at least I think I am.

I’ve had dreams about people before I’ve met them, and had snippets of conversations I was yet to have.

Recently though, very recently, I’ve been getting closer to a friend, and though there’s nothing more than that between us, I can’t help but getting these little snippets of conversation, and looks I get from her that catch me off guard – the kind that you get engraved in your brain, but I’ve always been a believer of everything happening for a reason, but I wish my brain told me what it was doing, sometimes at least. For, I’ve not been in a position where I care about someone, as a friend, like this for a long time. I even get upset with jokes that pretend to be serious. I mean, what is that? It’s not like me at all to be so emotional with peoples feelings, and I know it sounds callous but I usually couldn’t care. So, whether that means I actually found someone I feel that wants to be in my life, as a person who wants to be my friend, or whether it means I’m losing my marbles… either way, it’s been a pleasant wake-up call for me, and has cheered me up quite a bit.

Though, spending time with my friend, again, it’s funny what you learn about a person, about how they can feign disinterest but be interested in getting to know you. How they can pretend they don’t care about what you do, but secretly panic when they think you’re sad. How the one time you don’t wake up and message them, they quickly wonder where you went. It’s funny how you realise how much someone may think about you, though she’ll never admit it, it’s been pretty awesome… I mean, come on, what other friend would bring a dozen doughnuts on a 45 minute journey, just so they could have some. Ha-ha.

As for other events, I’m still trying to be there for my friend who lives abroad, she’s in a bad place, and I wish I could do more, but I can’t where I stand, and it sucks, but I just have to wait for her to find herself, before seeing where we can end up together. We had a long chat about it, which was pleasant and I’m sure we’ll keep in touch.

I did also have a conversation with another, who seems to think I should be more open about myself, so here I am – written on an open page, without a filter. I may be forgetful, and may miss out some bits and pieces, but that’s just me. I’ve worked out an answer to a question I’ve been looking for since Christmas. Who am I living for? The question riddled me, my daughter? myself? my future? I didn’t know the answer, and though it is a tough one… I believe I’ve found an answer, and by September, I’ll be ready to try my second year at becoming the person I want to be. It may not be the best answer, but it’s mine.

Haha, aside from the de ja vu, and snippets of the future, who knows what the future may hold…

 

Goodnight, and remember to let someone in now and then, whether they hurt you or not, it’s always worth the risk.