Unforgiving forgiveness

I’ve always been one to right my wrongs, and even when messed around, tormented or pushed away;I’ve always been one to forgive, let live. I’ve always been one to pull out my hammer, and repair the bridge rather than recycling the parts. I made a friend in September who now hates me, and for what? Because of a joke that escalated… Anyway, regardless of who was right, or who was wrong. I’ve tried to apologise, and as much as I don’t feel I’m the only one to blame, I keep finding myself apologising. Mostly, in my head. And a few times on writing. I’ve yet to get her attention for a single moment to say sorry. She seems adept in the art of blanking me, out of everyone. I just can’t believe someone can hold a grudge for so long, to live, thrive off the hatred for someone so much… and for what? a couple of jokes that were made into something huge?

So, if this person ever gets around to reading this, then I’d like to sit down and talk about it all. Apologise in person, and repair whatever is left. Though, it looks like she’s the one who broke the bridge down. It’s really puzzling me and is playing on my mind. I mean, I wished her no harm, and my dry, very sarcastic humour didn’t help the situation.

I do confess, I’ve been trying to pretend not to care about much over the last couple of months because my emotion has been driving me nuts because I either try too hard, push people away, or make everything seem easy/like a game. It’s a defense mechanism for me… and I wish certain people in my life could see through it. Regardless, I wish that person the best if they don’t want to chat, but I just don’t understand why someone would choose to burn the wood they stand on, than to extinguish the flames…

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