Ending an ordeal, renewing steel.

So, aside from the fact that I have a daughter to look after, a house to run, moving house, assignments due, the pursuit of a better future for myself, and my daughter, I’ve somehow managed to lose track of the path I set myself back last year when I chose to try harder. I’ve been thinking about this for a good while, and recent events just proved it. So, this evening, I’ve decided to step back from anyone, and not ‘help'(unintentionally making things worse), play into other peoples hands, or fall into the trap of being victim.

I will be honest, I made a mistake with one of my blog posts a few days ago, by writing about a woman I know on here. It was pretty bad, but so was what she was doing. However, I was wrong to do so, and have already apologised to her, but shall apologise to her on here as well. I am sorry for publicising the problems I had with you.

This being said, I just wrote, and deleted about 700 more words, as I just assumed they’d be taken badly, again. What I’ll do instead, is this: I’m going to walk away from it all, I’ve deleted everyone, including the person it centres around, the only person I will deal with is her, and if she wants to talk to me, that’s fine. But that’s talk. If she doesn’t then we can go our separate ways here and forget each other all together.

I don’t have time to deal with these things, and I would assume neither does anyone else. Seeing as all the assignments have been building up. Anyway, I don’t wish to cause more trouble… but I don’t want to sit back and let it happen, so I’ve said my piece, and she refused to talk to me. Seeing as that is the course of action taken, I’d appreciate it if the rest of her ‘gang’ stopped.

This will be the final post on the matter, and further disruption will be taken as harassment.

That’s all I have to say on the matter…

—————————————————————–

I’ve ended too many days with a headache, I’ve ended too many nights with a heartache, I’ve ended too many bottles with a sigh on my face, and when I had my daughter I chose to stop all the prancing around, the knit-picking, letting people break me. Though I have been dragged into several things over the last few years, I’ve not ran from them. I’ve turned my back on them when I’ve felt that they wouldn’t get better with my input, but I’ve never ran the other way. I’m always happy to talk to someone about anything, and happy to discuss any problem anyone has. If they’re half-decent about the ordeal I’ll gladly speak without so much as a hindrance to my day.

I’ve gone through the hardest days of my life, and came out of sound mind, sound body, and a sound soul. I won’t break, regardless of what anyone throws my way. I’m trying to get through my day without being upset with people, or with people being upset with me. What I’ve come to understand is that I should not help, listen, or give advice. I should walk away, do my own thing, and the people who join me when doing my own thing are the people I would like to spend my time with.

I’ve made some mistakes over the last few years, and I do regret some, but the regret never out-weighs the attempt, and that’s the difference, an unbreakable difference. I feel sorry for myself, just like many people do. But I’ve gotten back up so far, by myself, without another. I’m sorry to my friends, for being a dick sometimes, and hope you can all forgive me for being a doughnut at times, but I’ll always be around for the people who want me there.

Over the next few months I’m focusing on myself, doing things my way, aiming for a real achievement as I keep letting everything get in my way. Literally, everything. I’ve got to make a few apologies, and I know I may say things that hurt people, but that’s because I’m bottling up things that aren’t mine to bottle, and that I don’t feel right. Once I get myself free of them, I’ll be fine again.

Thank you to the friends that have been there for me though, the ones who listen to me rant, and may not say much, but understand, most of the things that come out of my mouth. Ha. I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for you. I started this post to kick start a down period, and it will also be my final response to previous blogs. That being said, I don’t wish malice on anyone, not even the person who has hurt me the most in my life time. Who has not been in our lives now for almost a year.

What I want to do however, is move higher with myself, and help anyone who wants the same, not to wallow in darkness, sadness, or madness. I want to make things better for myself, and those around me, so please feel free to talk to me any time for those who feel the same, but those who wish for anger, despair and disgrace please, feel free to exit. I won’t stop you, no matter who you are, or how important you are to me. I don’t have time for it.

I hope I haven’t offended anyone, and I’ve made sure to apologise throughout this post, but this will be the last time I show everyone my vulnerable side, and unless you truly earn it, you won’t know whether you’re talking to me, or a completely different person. Goodnight, and I wish everyone, and I mean everyone, the best in life.

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