Waking up from a dream, inside a dream of a dream.

This evening I’ve been thinking about my day, and it is very very rare I get ill, even simply a cold. Nevertheless it messes with my head a bit, I feel like my brain goes on auto pilot except for small hiccups throughout the day where it needs all of me to guide it. I noticed it when I was all wheezy and sneezy and then when I needed to sort out viewing a house, and a few estate agents lack of promise I was quick to act, full of concentration and down to the bone.

I’d like to write about connection this evening, not so much about love.

Sometimes, I go days without doing anything that could be associated with spiritualism and when not doing anything like meditation for so long, I get all fussy, distracted and off. That’s just me, so the seven hours of meditation I commit myself to a week really help. It keeps me together. It keeps me strong.

As of late, and today… I’ve been thinking about connection, and the moment I touched another’s hand and felt an array of emotions, and for a split moment, a gaze that was associated with more than simple barriers and masks came out. There are surreal moments like these that make me feel like I’m dreaming. I so badly wish I was awake. I so badly wish they were change-able or even at best, containable.

Lately, I’ve switched off any concept of more than anything with anyone, I had almost given up trying to make friends and a good impression. I helped two people on the weekend, and it helped me feel like I made a difference. It lasted, for a while… and though they may not know it but they don’t realise how much it made me smile when they thanked me, on the inside, of course.

The moment I felt today, pushed me in a state of dreaming, it made me feel like I was sleeping, and had yet to wake up. Whether or not it was, is a different question.

I arrived home, with my little monster, and our next door neighbour gave us dinner, and we had a chat, I’ll miss my next door neighbour.

I sat here, thinking of three things: a feeling of uncertainty of days yet to come, a roller-coaster of emotions when it comes to seeing certain people who seem to be to stay in my life, and the fact that I spent a lesson making someone smile, by just being me. It was quite refreshing. I mean, I’m not that funny, but she spent about twenty minutes laughing at a joke I made about black bears. I am that awesome. I know, ha.

Goodnight, and I think I found a house I may be able to call home, for now.  Thank you for reading.

To those trying to figure me out, if you have anything to ask, just ask.



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