A snowed out path becomes clear

Good morning, everyone.

I have felt like I’ve been walking through a blizzard, unable to see for a long time now. Sometimes, I’d think it would go on forever, and other times I feel like it already has taken enough of my life away.

It withers,

It whittles,

It wains.

From what I’ve been like, it has been as though I have been stepping bare-foot through a forest covered in snow. So much so, that you could not tell whether those things around you were even trees, just statues made of snow. My feet, cold, and my head numb, my fingers painful, my senses made dumb. Stumbling, even fumbling through the depth of despair; often wondering when the snow would stop,  or when the ice would crumble.

I’ve met people on my path, through the snowy blizzards, we held onto one another’s jackets, playing tug-of-war until the other let go, and we carried on walking… a few found light, in my own darkness however, lighting torches, helping me to see. It was like spotting a checkpoint or two, a place to save, a campfire to sit around…

But this is what pushed me to write this post.

The fact is that even though, I’ve felt like this, and walked through cold nights, or heavy rains, I still see torches light up the night, and warm the ice-cold fingers that allow me to dig through the cold, icy landscape that is life.

I find that I meet these people in my dreams, first, and after. More than that, it feels like I’m connected to them, and it’s an amazing feeling. I don’t think you understand, so let me explain…

I’ve never felt connected to everyone and I’ve always had this feeling of loneliness, ever since I was young. For as long as I remember, in fact. I was always told, “Smile,” or “Brighten up” but I couldn’t help but think what the point was. I felt like I was searching for someone, something, always.

When I found the first person that really touched my heart, it helped me begin to understand the type of feeling that it was. Imagine being connected to someone, to some people that stretches the boundaries of life, or more so… the boundary of time… and then seeing them eye to eye for what would be the first time, you’re so sure of it…

But, I’m not sure of anything like that anymore… Everyone thinks they know how the world works, even from a young age, told by society the way to think and the way to act, and what to feel, and what to scat… I don’t feel this, and I won’t pretend to know, truly, what is out there, but what I’ve experienced, and I’ve experienced this…

Lets see if you have to. When you meet someone for the very first time, but you feel like you know them, your energies already knot together, like you’ve known them for years, or within days, or weeks of talking to them you feel what they feel, understand how they think… or become strong, for them, when they’re weak…

Anyway…

Moving on from the past, and moving on from such a point of view…

I’ve come to understand what it is I’m searching for, though if I tell you, that would be cheating.

Over the next three years, I’ll be travelling abroad, and getting a driving license, doing a PGCE, and perhaps getting my Masters in another country, and possible staying there. It really depends on where those torches take me, where I feel the right direction is, and whether I have the courage to be daring, to venture out.

I am grateful for those who’ve always nurtured me, or listened to my words, and I’ll be grateful to those to come…

The snow has stopped, and today, if only for today… I see the path so warm, so inviting, and I put my first step onto it, rather than walking through the grass beside it.

 

** In other news, I’m going to start vlogging this blog, as an experiment, and to gain a bit of confidence. Though I will be using a 3D Avatar to talk it. It has been so much fun trying it out. Anyway, here’s the picture.

#facerig

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