University of doubt


The last week has not been a very good one. Amongst working on an assignment which had it’s wires crossed, battling through various companies trying to drain the life out of me I’ve also been feeling pretty lonely, often find myself sat on my own in my own world, not having anyone to talk to really, aside from when someone wants something from me.

Whether it be family members, friends, classmates, or acquaintances.

It has been a little bit more of a struggle to get up in the morning and make it to a class where I’ve actually enjoyed the work I wrote, or had the motivation to get my head wrapped around my coursework.

I do find it strange how you can end up looking forward to something all week, and then it dissipating without a second glance.

I’ve been finding lately that the people I enjoy the company of seem to only bother with me when they really want to ┬ájust ask if they’re doing something right, or whether I can read their work. I mean I think I’ve been asked how I was, once in the last week, which is by a girl who had a chit chat with me before I embarked on my journey home Thursday.

It is a little disappointing to be honest, and I feel like retreating my voice a bit, retracting the, oh so much effort I give to people as I’ve been trying my best to become more socialised, and help everyone through the course.

I’ve taken on the responsibility of Course-Rep at a University which too long to select us, so we missed the training we needed to become student reps. Brilliant – right?

Above that, given prompts for the last three weeks on Apples is trying everyone bananas. They told us they were prompts, and a day before the assignment hand in date, we were told we had to incorporate apples somewhere in it. So if we didn’t use apples, why? and how did the use of apples lead us down this path.

In all honestly, I think poetry, for most of the people in the class is a grey area and they wing it, not spend several weeks planning a 12 line poem about an apple, or memory of an apple. Interesting, right?

Getting referred to the “Handbook” of each module, and oral communication being different to that “Handbook” we oh so rely on… I’m losing my tether.

Aside from that, dealing with my daughter who has been a little naughty lately, whom smacked me in the face, scratching my glasses. I’m not a very happy bunny.

I could forget all that, really could, then I planned something with someone on the weekend, and that got cancelled too. I think you can tell when someone doesn’t want to do something with you, even after a quick “yes”, is when they start avoiding you, or just simply – not replying.

Well – I’ve had enough, and quite frankly, feel like a joke at the moment, or an information manual with no sense of a give, and take attachment.

So I think it is about time I stop trying to be nice, or be there for others, and just simply work on myself.

In other news, I now own a new shirt, tie, and I’m revelling in the fact that I finally have time to clean my house. After all, after such a shit week, isn’t that what you look forward to?


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