University of doubt


The last week has not been a very good one. Amongst working on an assignment which had it’s wires crossed, battling through various companies trying to drain the life out of me I’ve also been feeling pretty lonely, often find myself sat on my own in my own world, not having anyone to talk to really, aside from when someone wants something from me.

Whether it be family members, friends, classmates, or acquaintances.

It has been a little bit more of a struggle to get up in the morning and make it to a class where I’ve actually enjoyed the work I wrote, or had the motivation to get my head wrapped around my coursework.

I do find it strange how you can end up looking forward to something all week, and then it dissipating without a second glance.

I’ve been finding lately that the people I enjoy the company of seem to only bother with me when they really want to  just ask if they’re doing something right, or whether I can read their work. I mean I think I’ve been asked how I was, once in the last week, which is by a girl who had a chit chat with me before I embarked on my journey home Thursday.

It is a little disappointing to be honest, and I feel like retreating my voice a bit, retracting the, oh so much effort I give to people as I’ve been trying my best to become more socialised, and help everyone through the course.

I’ve taken on the responsibility of Course-Rep at a University which too long to select us, so we missed the training we needed to become student reps. Brilliant – right?

Above that, given prompts for the last three weeks on Apples is trying everyone bananas. They told us they were prompts, and a day before the assignment hand in date, we were told we had to incorporate apples somewhere in it. So if we didn’t use apples, why? and how did the use of apples lead us down this path.

In all honestly, I think poetry, for most of the people in the class is a grey area and they wing it, not spend several weeks planning a 12 line poem about an apple, or memory of an apple. Interesting, right?

Getting referred to the “Handbook” of each module, and oral communication being different to that “Handbook” we oh so rely on… I’m losing my tether.

Aside from that, dealing with my daughter who has been a little naughty lately, whom smacked me in the face, scratching my glasses. I’m not a very happy bunny.

I could forget all that, really could, then I planned something with someone on the weekend, and that got cancelled too. I think you can tell when someone doesn’t want to do something with you, even after a quick “yes”, is when they start avoiding you, or just simply – not replying.

Well – I’ve had enough, and quite frankly, feel like a joke at the moment, or an information manual with no sense of a give, and take attachment.

So I think it is about time I stop trying to be nice, or be there for others, and just simply work on myself.

In other news, I now own a new shirt, tie, and I’m revelling in the fact that I finally have time to clean my house. After all, after such a shit week, isn’t that what you look forward to?


the Ying and Yang of my day.

Well, well well… We’re here again?

Here, at last?

Would you like an apple?

Maybe two.

Lets’ cut the crap.


My day has certainly been a mix of good and bad…

In fact…

I thoroughly enjoyed it! – I spent my morning working on an assignment at university, where I already had my coffee poured for me by Starbucks – though I didn’t actually show up for that… oops.

I wrote a poem about a shadow, and still somehow managed to link it to an apple. An Apple! I’ve started to hate them, those shiny little s****s. Ha-ha.

Though it was an interesting morning, I then ran around trying to figure out how the hell I was supposed to submit this. After being told by the tutor I had to go to block H… where no one was at, I asked myself the typical, “Who, what, where, how, when?”, and like a buffoon I worked myself into a sweat. Luckily enough I had my “Keep calm, and let Daniel handle it” T-shirt. I know right? ‘Amaze-balls’.

The afternoon begin with my very first work shopping experience, between peers and no tutors. I organised a room in the library where we discussed our poems, and gave each other feed back on improvements. I’d like to think it went well! – It did.

Brilliant, right? Students working together with… Students! I know, I amaze myself too sometimes. ‘Lol’.

Anyway, after that, I spent the afternoon with a lady-friend of mine. You know, the type of person that you connect with so much, you can’t help but smiling around. Though, to be fair, I’m sure she’s playing a little hard to get. I only say this, not out of confidence, (I’m not… that confident) but we spent about four hours around each other, where we went out with my daughter. I don’t think she stopped smiling once, and I’m pretty sure she skipped away.

It really set a smile on my face…


And for the fun bit. Every company seems to be after my backside at the moment charging me ridiculous bills for things I haven’t done. BT that ….amazing… company that just simply does not like anyone or anything and should be obliterated from the universe.. Ahem… tried to charge me £180 for an engineer they promised would be free, as I spent a month being charged for internet I could not use due to the previous tenant’s destructive powers.

Impressively enough I was also promised a voucher for £100 at Sainsbury’s. Still have yet to receive that either.

Also, I am stuck with my course tomorrow, and battling this company, and dealing with Argos over whether to stay in for the parcel to be delivered. I’m getting a dryer delivered.. *yippee*. Ahem. Anyway,

Aside from that, I’m sure I can actually go to bed with a smile, after an angry letter or two, simply because of the good stuff that happened throughout my day. I guess you find that there are certain people who make your day worth going through it.

And to end the night, I have prepared for my first party, as I have a weekend without my daughter… It is looking grand…

Also, when I put my daughter to bed, I asked her to get changed, and she stood at the top of the stairs, butt naked shouting, “Daddy, I poo’d” I love being a parent.

Migraine, oh, migraine!

Migraines – they’re the worst aren’t they?

I mean – really!

Imagine waking up between 3 days straight, and 3 weeks straight without the soothing sound of silence in your wake. Instead, imagine someone putting their hand in your head, and stirring your brain about. A lovely image, right? …right?

It has only been 3 hours since I’ve been awake, and it has felt perhaps 13 times longer. Amazing, right?

I’m sat here, tap tap tapping away, with the most soothing music in my ears I can suffer to, drinking a pint of coffee, hoping the large amount of caffeine ages me enough to skip the migraine.

I’m sat here, fighting the mighty urge of trying to tick off more character bibles, finishing the last one almost a week ago!  – a woman by the name of Kassandra Stensdotter, a warrior poet, who never met her mother and spent her life with her father travelling to each place, bringing the joy and sadness of her stories through music.

Anyway, right now… right now. I’ve begun a piece of work that will be graded soon – A critical assessment on the widely known game, ‘The Witcher 3’. I will possibly leave the details of creation out of the blog, just in case I’m not allowed to publish what I’ve written. I shall let you all know how it goes though. I’m sure the experience will be grand.

That is all for today, have a nice day everyone! I’ll leave you with Geralt’s face to see you on.


‘Picture by Zeevs, DeviantArt’

Simply, just, another day.

Simply speaking… Today should have been another exhausting, but manageable day, and it was.

Though, my eyes were a little black from a night off from the world of parenting, lack of sleep, and plenty of vodka, I’d still say I had a brilliant weekend.

Though this is the student experience I feel it is important to let you know what kind of weekend I have due to being a student.

So, Friday, Friday… Friday. Friday was the day that kicked this weekend in the wrong direction. My parents picked my daughter up as planned, and by the time they had got her home, I had to rush off to them to pick her up. My mother gave us a scare, with high blood pressure and a problem she had to be sent to hospital for, so off she went, waiting for a doctor… (Now this was regarded an emergency…) 8… whole… hours. Anyway, I moved my already exhausted body out of university, back to my house, to pick up a few things and made a journey 25 miles South East. Off I went… ‘Vroom, vroom’.

Luckily enough, a friend of mine saved my hide – Let me explain,

So I get there and find my daughter and I sitting in my parents house, waiting for ‘mummy dearest’ or ‘Nanny Plum’ (A little nickname I found too glorious not to add!) for my mother to come home when I realised that I had left raw chicken sat in a bag at my house, and I had deliveries that had taken a week to get there in the morning at 9am!! it was actually between 7am-7pm but just to confirm, it had to come early didn’t it? First time for everything!

Anyway, so we waited, and waited, and waited, and waited…  you get the point. I realised that there was nothing I could do, so I begged and begged all my friends who drove to see if they could take me home and after the 6th person, finally! someone said yes, someone whom I did not expect to as I had just met her from my course.

So, bless her, she drove 15 miles to come pick us up and take us home.  When we got home I tried giving her money for petrol as it was far out of the way but I wasn’t able to give my money away it seemed. I somehow managed to get myself and my daughter inside, and made myself a cup of tea, no, wait… coffee? Or both? Definitely both… When I put it to my lips it smelt like coffee, but left the twanging taste of tea without the milk. That taste stayed with me all night!

My friend left and we said goodnight and I fell into my bed. Something ridiculous happened, I was wide awake, lying there, thinking of the world, thinking of my past, and my future. As I always seem to do…

I ended up settling down to the sound of music videos, and took my headphones off, finally falling asleep.

I woke up at 9am, Saturday morning. Along with the memory of several peculiar, head wrecking dreams that would not leave my mind throughout the coming day. All good though, sort of, some mundane enough to put me back to sleep.

Anyway, after raising like the dead, I heard my daughter rustling about and got her up sitting her on the potty. Then, the door had to go. So I quickly got us both ready and dashed down stairs opening the door leading onto the main road in a dressing gown and superman trousers… yes, I am that cool.

Then, I had a phone call from my parents telling me that if I can bring my daughter to them I can still go out tonight.. I thought yippee, just one problem… I had the car seat, without the car. Dope, I thought, as I threw my phone on the sofa.

So I am lucky, in the single fact that I have a very nice neighbour, who wouldn’t let me give her money for fuel, bless her! I understood how lucky I was to have people like that around as she was the second person to decline taking money from me for rushing us around.

Moving on, however…

I spent my Saturday night with two lovely women I met from University and we had such a laugh out. One of them even received a marriage proposal from a man who seemed stupendously sober compared to us. Sadly, just to inform you – He got rejected.

After a £15 taxi, and falling asleep on the sofa, I woke up with the remains of lamb steak on a plate next to me – I had no idea I could cook whilst asleep.

Sunday however, was when the real fun began. I got up, stumbling to the bathroom, wrapped my dressing gown around me, renewed my balance, strengthened my step, and after equipping my glasses, I was ready to clean.

I put all the rubbish out, cleaned the floors, the counters, the units, dusted everything, lit a smelling candle, ironed every piece of clothing I owned, and my daughter’s, ‘Vacuumed’ the floors, scrubbed the oven, toilet and sinks, then cried a little from the smell of bleach… (that was a joke). I went on throwing my weight around the house, up and down the stairs I went – like a buzzing bee on liquid sugar. I scrubbed my office, tried to assort my work (that didn’t work). When I then finally sat down, my parents walked through the door to return my daughter to me.

Bless her little cotton socks. She was half asleep. My parents asked me to give her the dinner they prepared and within five minutes (4:30pm) my daughter went upstairs and fell asleep from then, all the way to 6:30am the following morning. I still had to call her several times to wake her up.

My day was exhausting like I said, lessons from 9-6 and spending two hours learning about a book of poems, and another 2 hours learning about the referencing system known as MLA – a 3 hour break where I walked up the hill of a campus three times, and then went to the library to read through more work I had for TESOL at the end of the day… I can’t complain however,  for, after sitting here, pining over the fact that I miss having a deep conversation with someone, anyone in fact. I remember that though it is hard now, it will definitely be worth it when the course is finished.

A day of… Apples!?

Good evening, everyone!

I hope you enjoyed my very rushed morning… Today I’ve had a very interesting day.

It mainly consisted of Apples – granted that is a bit weird, but still, an excellent day happened.

I spent my morning, the same as yesterday – though I’m sure my dreams are getting much, much stranger! I’ve never had so much de ja vu in my life!

Enough about dreams though, after putting a lovely woollen coat on my daughter this morning, which had a teddy bear on the back of the coat, “Awww”. We left the house with smiles on our faces. Also, I managed to rip my weekly ticket in half – It wasn’t on purpose, honest!

It was also the first day that we went to nursery and my daughter walked in after giving me a kiss on the cheek and shouted, “Bye, bye, Daddy! I love you!” and off she went. She is the glimmer of my eye, and thereafter, my mind became frazzled with the concept of apples.

I packed a few apples in my bag anyway, but then after walking into the canteen I found in front of me, yet more apples. So many to choose from? Why apples?

“Please bring an apple into class today, I’ll tell you why when you’re here.” wrote my tutor in an email addressed to the class.

I did have a ponder on the type of apple I wanted to bring, anyway – the one of two I carried was perfect, that mix of green and dark red, and that shine that glimmered off of the skin – you know the one.

After my first lesson was over, where I embarrassingly told the class a story of my daughter and I’s trip to Barry Island, where I ended up with urine running down my leg, as my daughter was sat on my lap… That never happened before then! I don’t plan on letting it happen again!

When I arrived into the lesson I was told we had to write half a page of typed letters, or two book pages of written work on the physical features of an apple…

So, it went a little like this: (we also had to name our apple)

Apple’s Eve 
The blushing red cheeks consuming the lighter green skin almost hide the wrinkled fore-head, and aged face. There are hundreds of little green dots amongst the red, amassing like tiny stars in a cloudless sky. With a scar on the lower back, and a layer of green tearing through the red flesh on the front it stands balanced, without bruises, or broken stem. The stem stands pointed, brown, and grubby. Whereas the bottom tufts like how hair would be on a turtle’s head, if a turtle had hair. Two black grazes pierce the beautiful red skin, and show how life continues on. A couple of brown dents on the top of the head, proves nothing, stands perfect forever. The fresh smell of a green-like forest, gives a distinct sensation that invokes a presence that could possibly be the start of all life, from a single tree.

and there we go, that is how we write a ridiculous amount on apples, but wait!

It doesn’t stop there!

I had to then write a poem on my memory of an apple, and seeing as it was called Apple’s Eve, it proved fitting to write a poem about the story of Adam and Eve. I know, my poetry is terrible! But here it went,

Apple’s eve…

The tempting seduction

Of the blushing red apple,


The sweet, souring taste,

And soft, shining skin,


Gazes full of desire,

But only one taste,


It stirs the hunger of

the most idolised mankind


Adam, perhaps?

No, it is – Eve’s apple.

Well… I hope you like it, I won’t tell you the boring bit about me having to chase my daughter around the canteen after class. We’ll leave it at the lesson!

The start of a typical day, in a typical way.

Good morning everyone,

I’ve already been up for the last 5 hours, so it feels like I’m drifting through my day.

The moment I awoke, a sense of nostalgia crept into my thoughts as for the last two months I’ve awoke the same way, staring out of a crack in the blinds that hang on the window. Everything was still, and silent. I still had so many chores to do, yet so little time. I decided to sit there for a moment, close my eyes, and just listen to the silence. I heard no cars passing, no creepy crawly’s lurking around. (Those darn spiders are always getting in, somehow.)

As soon as I sighed, and felt relaxed for the first time in days, my alarm soon caused me to spring out of bed in an effort to stop it before it woke my daughter….

I stopped it, pressed the sheep with his eyes open on my phone, (Brilliant app, right?) and stopped all movement for what felt like an hour. Sat still as a statue, listening to anything move. I was in luck. I got up, picked up my clothes off the floor, (I was so tired last night I fell into bed.), and opened my door…. to hear the sound of, “DAAADDDDYYYYYY!” from behind the other bedroom door.

She did wake, she just wanted to make sure I was up and moving.

So, our morning began, one minute breakfasts, and speedy showers, chasing my daughter around the house trying to dry her hair, and throwing our clothes on as fast as we can. Then preparing for our day, only 10 minutes left, and with time running out I hear, “Daddy, I need another wee!” so the bags fly off, the coat already on the floor, and a quick dash upstairs (We are potty training). Then comes the mad rush to the bus stop, which luckily enough waited for us before moving past our house.

(It is so different living up here, from Newport.) Living closer to uni, yet far enough to get two buses there, makes sense, right?

I took Aria’s (my daughter’s) umbrella with us today, so that opened and closed on the bus 6 times on a ten minute journey, and when we finally got off, I woke up by having to chase her up and down the bus station as she found it amusing to, “Make daddy run”. I’m not sure I’m happy with my daughter receiving my sense of humour though.

I had a few good morning’s from people passing, and Aria ran towards two girls waiting for their college bus to show her ‘cool’ umbrella to. (Minnie Mouse, bought it myself ;)) and within the next few minutes we were on the bus to my university for 8am. We climbed the hill to the sound of singing birds and people ‘um-ing and aw-ing’ at the fact that my daughter was using her umbrella as a walking stick shouting, “HA!” every time she hit it into the concrete floor.

By the time we got up the hill, I was more exhausted than she was, and it was the first time she walked into nursery without a single tear. It has taken a while to get her used to going, as we spent the summer together, practically every day.

So, I sent her in with a backpack full of drinks, nappies, spare clothes, and oh…. darn, forgot the wet wipes, so as soon as she walked in I made a dash for the nearest shop to give in the wet wipes, as the only form of tissue she had in her bag was for her, maybe not so nice on the cheeks.

That was the start of the morning, when I finally sat down, with my fruit cocktail and super-sized giant filter coffee with a portion of milk fit for a King, I opened my laptop to begin writing two character bibles. I did 5 yesterday,  and I did two today, side by side, father and son.

The character bible will be explained in detail on the page “What is a Character bible” but it is all in preparation for my book, ‘Soul’s Rest – the Soul of a Wolf’ (Oh look, a picture of it below)

Soul's Rest - the Soul of a Wolf
Soul’s Rest – the Soul of a Wolf

I can’t believe how productive I’ve been with my work since I’ve began university. I used to do one bible a day, or even a week, I did 5 yesterday, and 2 at once today.

But, so far, that is all for now, I have planned reading, and writing until later today, and then it is my morning in reverse to go home. Today, was a day without a lesson, but a much needed day of reading and writing.

Thank you for reading.